Cousinly ties

Pak-Afghan relations swing between love and hate. One day they are fighting together against a mighty invader but the very next day, they are at daggers drawn. This unique relationship has a specific cultural dimension, which has been ignored. There is a need to explore it and devise a policy accordingly.

Our policymakers on Afghanistan are staunch patriots who strive hard to protect our national interest and ensure the survival of Pakistan in the hostile environment of South Asia. Yet, they also have the sense that a stable and peaceful Afghanistan is vital for Pakistan’s stability. Their policies may have some negative impact, but their intentions of peace and stability are beyond any doubts.

However, due to lack of proper understanding, their policies do not give the desired results. Critics of our Afghan policy question these failures and even doubt the policymakers’ intentions. In return, the policymakers and their supporters doubt and question the patriotism of the critics.

I do not doubt the patriotism of any side and do believe that all Pakistanis, policymakers or critics, are patriots – until proven to be otherwise in a court of law.

The basic fault in our Afghan policy is that we see our relations with Kabul in black and white and ignore the grey areas. Our policymakers want Afghanistan to be a brother like China and Saudi Arabia. Otherwise, they believe, it must be an enemy like India.

But I firmly believe that Afghanistan is neither a brother nor an enemy and that it would be a futile exercise of making it either. Going back to my Pakhtun cultural background, I feel that Afghanistan is a tarbor (cousin) who is tied with us by the thread of tarborwali (cousinhood).

Tarbor and tarborwali are Pashto terms that define a specific philosophy of relations and engagement. Literally, tarbor means first cousin and the relations between first cousins is called tarborwali. Though, this relation exists in other cultures and regions, in Afghanistan and the Pakistan tribal belt, tarborwali has special significance.

Generally, the word ‘tarborwali’ is used for a relationship based on extreme jealousy, hatred and rivalry. It is the negative aspect of this that causes animosity and makes a tarbor an enemy.

The positive aspect of tarborwali is based on the feeling of belonging, love and a sense of unity that exist between tarbors. This makes a tarbor a source of protection against any external threat. It is the interdependence and collectivism in Pakhtun culture that brings tarbors closer.

In other cultures, every individual is responsible for his own conduct. But in Pakhtun tribal culture, a father is accountable for his sons’ conduct and a cousin for his cousin. The notorious Frontier Crimes Regulation of 1901 gives legal cover to this collective responsibility according to which I could be arrested and my house could be demolished due to the misconduct of my cousin in Mohmand Agency.

Both positive and negative aspects exist simultaneously in tarborwali. The success of one and failure of the other may cause frustration and jealousy, but externally the tarbors stand together and fight together for their common interests. They cannot afford to eliminate each other because that practically means self-destruction for both. Hence, their animosity remains within certain limits.

Keeping this context in mind, I believe that the Pak-Afghan relationship is tarborwali . It would be an illusion to think that Afghanistan will ever be as sweet as China or as Bitter as India. It is a tarbor whose frustration may sometimes cause animosity but the feeling of belonging will never let it cross the limits. History is the best witness of this fact.

The Pakistan-Afghanistan rivalry started soon after 1947 and both tarbors behaved like each other’s enemies. But when Pakistan faced testing times in the 1965 war with India, the Afghan tarbor did not stab it in the back, but instead gave Islamabad full assurance on the western border.

Similarly, when Pakistan was disintegrated in 1971 and thousands of its soldiers were imprisoned, Kabul had a golden chance to settle scores with Islamabad. But instead of declaring war, Kabul again assured Islamabad not to worry about the western border in spite of the fact that relations between the two countries at that time were worse than they are today.

Recently, Hamid Karzai, the then president of Afghanistan, announced in an interview with me that Kabul would stand with Islamabad in its war with the US or India. Despite internal opposition and the anger of the US and India, he reiterated the claim a few months later.

In a nutshell, Afghanistan is neither a brother like China nor an enemy like India. It is a tarbor that needs to be handled with great care. The mistrust, jealousy or hatred that exist between these two tarbors have certain limits. Beyond those limits, their fears and interests or friends and enemies are common.

Being a relatively prosperous and stable tarbor, Pakistan needs to exercise great caution in dealing with the weaker tarbor. At this point in time, the negative aspect of tarborwali is in full swing and the sheer frustration has pushed the Afghan tarbor into overreacting.

Pakistan should not respond with the same tone. We should instead focus on winning Afghan hearts and minds by giving full support to progress and prosperity there. Pakistan needs to invest on the positive side of the Afghan tarbor. With this approach, it is possible that today’s tarbor may become a brother tomorrow.

The writer works for Geo TV.

Email: saleem.safi@janggroup.com.pk