Yashma Gill, the Pakistani TV actor who recently graced the screens with her latest offering in 'Alif', has opened up about how went from being an atheist to a Muslim.
During an interview with Samina Peerzada, the ‘Qurban’ actor opened up about how she renewed her faith in Islam after going through a rough patch with atheism.
“I used to over-analyze everything, making sure not to offend anyone and being nice to everyone, but getting hurt myself regardless of that. It reached a point that I lost faith. I used to say to myself that ‘no if there was someone up there then I wouldn’t be suffering so much’,” she said.
“When your iman (faith) is weak, a veil falls cover your mind and, even if someone is answering your questions, you do not understand anything,” she added.
Treading ahead, she spoke about meeting a girl named Warda who turned her life around while she was studying in Australia.
“She used to be a hijabi and when I saw her I thought, that I am definitely not getting along with her because she is such a staunch Muslim, she will judge me. So I started ignoring her. But she was such a nice person, she never judged me. She understood me and my problems and started explaining things to me through my perspective,” she continued.
“She asked me to try one last thing to renew my faith, saying ‘okay just try this and if your faith in God doesn’t return after this then you can remain your atheist self’.”
“When Ramazan starts, you have to pray five times a day and fast regularly with all of your heart,’” she said adding: “She asked me to pray and ask God to come closer to me and let me believe in him.”
She further explained how she took that up as a task and decided to give her all, making sure she understood every verse she was reciting during the prayers.
She revealed further that she used to jot down questions in her notes throughout the day and at the end, before going to sleep she used to search for answers to those questions.
“After doing everything and giving it my all, when the month was over, I went to my friend Warda and told her that I gave my one hundred percent, but I haven’t received any revelations or any guidance whatsoever,” she said.
She continued saying that merely two days later, at the time of prayer, she felt a missing piece in her routine: “There was some weird restlessness, this feeling of anxiety that used to happen to me and it started to come back.”
Yashma went on saying she realized that during that one month of Ramazan, she had found her first job in Australia since she started living there and also sorted some family problems out that had existed for a while.
“My life had become very happy and positive. But I hadn’t realized that at that time. I just kept on wondering what is missing. And then I realized that maybe all this time, the peace, the dependency, the happiness that I was in search of in other places, was actually over here,” she said.
“I went to Warda crying, and I told her how I was feeling. And then she told me that I should ask her about all the misunderstandings that I had at the back of my mind, and she explained all of that to me, giving references of a few lectures as well,” she further added.
“You won’t believe me but I used to never understand such things but for the first time, that day no contradictions to the answers I used to get before, came to my mind and I got this internal satisfaction.”
Moreover, she added that while she was in search of sources to counter her depression and mental illnesses, the answer lay simply in trusting God.
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