Gulzar Bibi — a single mother of six and an unsung hero

Being a mother is itself the hardest job, but being a single mother is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears, but also twice the pride.

In every field, there are unsung heroes who make it happen and create a difference. On International Women’s Day, 47-year-old Gulzar Bibi, who hails from Mansehra, shared her inspiring story with The News to draw attention to and commend all the single working mothers, who are the real unsung heroes.

“Since becoming a single mother, I have realised that being strong, powerful and courageous for my children is the only option I have.” This is how Gulzar Bibi, a mother of six, began sharing her story with The News. She recalled how her life took a violent twist when her husband, Muhammad Sadiq, died in August 2014, following a year-long illness.

“Even before my husband’s illness, we had been living hand to mouth, but our life started becoming more difficult when Sadiq became bed-bound and we spent whatever savings we had on his treatment and medicines. We were flat broke at the time of his death, as the sole breadwinner left us too early.”

She said at the time of her partner’s death, she was devastated, but there was no time to grieve as her mind was consumed with the worry that she had six mouths to feed with no resources at all, and the horror of horrors was being an uneducated woman with no savings and no work skills, not even sewing skills.

Her youngest child, Abdul Wahab, was six-year-old and her eldest, Saif-ur-Rehman, was 16 when her husband passed away. Her daughters, Mehwish, Aqsa, Sumaira and Humaira, were the middle children. The children had to quit their education and there was no way out for a living.

The mother recalled that after a week of the soul-wrenching incident, our neighbours helped us in getting some home-based work of pasting stones and embellishments on pieces of readymade garments. They worked long hours to produce different labour-intensive products, for which they received very little remuneration, often as little as Rs100 per day.

After almost six months of back-breaking work, Gulzar Bibi started working as a domestic helper to earn a decent wage and to resume her children’s education. “Through every obstacle and hurdle life put in my path, I doggedly held on to my faith that God will not ask me to bear more than I am capable of carrying.”

She was told many times by some family members and other people that it was not important to educate all her children as she was a single mother; they said she should just educate her sons and not daughters. They advised her to just let the daughters help her with the home-based work. “But I unheard people because I wanted to give the same education to my daughters as to my sons.”

Bibi said she was an uneducated woman and nobody could better understand the importance of education than she could. Life would not have been as difficult for her as it was only if she was educated.

“Life is full of unknowns. Like me, any woman may be married at the age of 20 only to find herself a widow at a very early stage in her life, or some women may find themselves divorced at some point in their lives. Other women might need a second income for their household.”

Bibi recounted that initially she worked for a very low wage and the society had a low regard for her work. She had to overlook all of them because she was doing that to feed her children and educate them.

She was in discomfort until she started working for a family who not only helped her in every possible way, but also gave her respect that she deserved. Muhammad Amjad, the head of the family she works for, helped her son in pursing his dream of becoming an army soldier, and he also bore the expense of her two daughters’ marriage expenses.

“My hard work pays off when I see my little ones watching me. One day they are going to look back at these days and realise what a strong woman I was. By being a strong role model, I am making my children strong, and I’m proud of that.

“I’m proud that I’ve managed to fulfil my parenting responsibilities on only one income. The kids and I have lived in one room unit. We have walked to school more times than I can count, and today my son is an army soldier, two daughters are happily married and the other three are on their way to becoming successful.”

The inspiring story tells us that single mothers have it tough. Single mothers advocate, sacrifice, struggle, nurture and fight for their children. They put their own needs aside, and sleep and self-care are rare commodities in their lives. Taking full responsibility for their families, single mothers achieve amazing parenting feats by being present for their children regardless of the many challenges they face.

It is high time our society gave them the support and empathy they need to stay strong mentally and to live a stable life.