Choosing our battles

International Women’s Day may seem like just a day to many, but to us, this is a reminder of the struggles, achievements and countless milestones achieved by the feminist movement.

As euphoric as this day is, it is also a good time for us to reflect – on how far we’ve come, how long the road still is ahead, and how we can develop a strategy that is diverse and inclusive enough to speak to the entire spectrum of challenges that women face. And as we reflect, we must also be open to accepting our own faults as advocates of gender equality. Any movement, no matter how high its moral standing, can stand to benefit from retrospection/reflection. This piece seeks to understand how the feminist movement can develop a more inward-looking approach that can enable it to resonate with a larger audience.

The primary reason behind the challenge faced by gender equality and feminism in Pakistani society is the deeply enshrined patriarchy which manifests itself in both an institutional and socio-cultural capacity. These perceptions and biases range from the lack of inclusion of women in governmental and bureaucratic structures to everyday difficulties in mobility and access to public space. They also perform differently based on every woman’s class, ethnic and religious background.

The question, however, is: given the existence of such rigid and suspicious societal attitudes towards a movement, what is the best possible way to reach out to a hostile audience? Is a movement without an audience (or, at best, with an agitated audience) beneficial to our cause? If not, then how can we convince the public about the necessity for gender equality in a manner that doesn’t alienate it?

One major problem is that, despite how strongly we feel about equality in every single aspect, unfortunately we will have to prioritise our issues and choose our battles wisely. In a country where female work force participation is around 25 percent, girl child education statistics are abysmal and domestic violence is rampant, it would benefit us to start from the basics, so as also to avoid appearing frivolous. This is perhaps the biggest realisation many of us working with conservative communities have had in recent years – there are issues that are ‘palatable’ and that those are where we must begin. These issues tap into the very basic sensibilities and struggles of our audience and enable us to develop a relationship based on empathy.

Work in the development sector is proof of how grassroots communities that are initially very suspicious of gender advocacy campaigns can become very receptive over time. Creating space for dissent slowly and wisely can produce the best long-term results. Given that women face discrimination on almost every front, the unfortunate reality is that we will have to raise our voices at different volumes for different issues.

The MeToo movement is perhaps the best example of this, where on the one hand we have assault cases involving male bosses and family members, and on the other, inadvertent sexual advances from men at parties or flirtations gone wrong. Whereas both must be condemned and are for sure a product of male privilege, a recurring friend request on Facebook cannot produce the same outcry as attempted rape. The dialogue surrounding harassment needs much more nuance and finesse.

As we learn to pick and choose our battles, we must also decide how we want to project ourselves on public platforms, learn where to engage, and where to ignore or tolerate. This has become more relevant given the contemporary dynamics of the internet age, as the platforms available to both supporters and naysayers have increased manifold. As this new space has unfolded, a few observations come to light – the increased visibility and supposed liberation of women on the internet have revealed the anxieties of many men, who have responded through shaming, harassment and aggression. As a result, the internet has turned into somewhat of a battle of the sexes, with men and women collectively engaged in oftentimes irrational and superficial feuds.

The ball, however, can be in our court; since we are the ones trying to build a movement, and perpetuate social change, we must also understand the importance of patience and restraint. There are of course times when women must denounce the biased and derogatory attitudes of men. But we must save our anger for when it matters most, and have a diversity of responses in our arsenal. All in all, our reactions must be context driven – the feminists who struggled during dictatorial movements were forced to fight out on the streets, and that was their reality. Our reality in 2019 is varied and complex and perhaps more so then ever before, optics matter the most.

What is stranger is that, despite this supposed collectivism, this strand of feminism can also at times be intolerant when it comes to its own participants, creating a lingering tension between collectivism and individualism, where the choices of other women often become the subject of immense criticism. The bottom line is this: if feminism is about empowerment, we must also understand that strong, empowered and opinionated women will not always agree; they will have overarching solidarities but will also make choices based on their unique contexts. To constantly shame individual women’s choices means that we are all, at all times, ambassadors of feminism – a responsibility too large and too unjust for every woman to carry around at all times.

Perhaps the most divisive issue is that of male allies. It’s important to understand that at any given time, when a dominant group feels encroachments on its existing power, insecurity and anxiety loom large. This is not specific to Pakistan, or even to men for that matter. There are those who are able to completely transcend these fears and come out in support of our cause wholeheartedly; they must be encouraged and celebrated. Giving them space in the movement is imperative as it may convince other men to come out in support.

This has long been a heated issue, and unfortunately male allies have been relegated to silent partners in our supposedly joint struggle. Male allies might also be instrumental in helping us shun stereotypes about being ‘anti-men’. In fact, our relationship with male allies can be symbolic of the kind of equal and progressive relationship we want to build with a majority of men.

The achievements of the feminist movement in Pakistan are uncountable. We must always be grateful to the brave women who came before us and to whom we are eternally indebted. Even today, it’s the bravery of our feminist friends and fellows that has created spaces for enlightened discourse, both online and offline. More so than ever before, we have to be vigilant and forward-looking, so that we don’t lose the momentum that has been built.

The writer is a social entrepreneur and speaker who heads business development and Community Support Concern.

Twitter: @NayabGJan