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Friday March 29, 2024

Old money, new money and Axact money

No music instrument can sound sweeter than the jingle of newly-minted money. But newly-minted money has its problems: it lacks esteem; it does not command much social or political power and it can attract a lot of envy and suspicion. Over the centuries, old money has created elaborate techniques to

By Zaigham Khan
May 30, 2015
No music instrument can sound sweeter than the jingle of newly-minted money. But newly-minted money has its problems: it lacks esteem; it does not command much social or political power and it can attract a lot of envy and suspicion.
Over the centuries, old money has created elaborate techniques to keep new money out of the castle it resides in with the twin goddesses of power and prestige. New money has always devised tools and techniques to get inside the hallowed building. The oldest and the most time-tested method is to enter the mansion with a bridal procession. Another method involves bribing guards and cooks and captains. The latest and the most ingenious technique so far is to land on the roof of the castle using the airship of a newly-founded media house.
The media house technique is becoming popular all over the world because of its obvious advantages over the older methods. Marry the princess formula, which we can also call the Aladdin method, requires the contender to be young. Unlike the world of fairytales where things can happen quite fast, it may require a full generation before this alchemical formula may bear fruit. If you are thinking of Asif Ali Zardari, the man who married the crown princess and thus turned half the nation into his sworn enemies, kindly remember that it was his capable father, Hakim Ali Zardari, who hit the jackpot – not him. Dynamics of supply and demand have added a new hindrance to this technique; the neoliberal economy has produced too many Aladdins but there are not enough princesses around.
The second technique is a gentler version of taking over the castle by force – the most ancient formula that we are not touching upon here. In our context, it may involve buying a seat in the Senate or throwing barrels of gold coins to get elected to the provincial or national assemblies. This method works best when non-party elections are held or when political parties are badly in need of cash. As democracy settles in, old players learn to put new money to their service without feeling obliged enough. This method also requires abundant time and unlimited patience.
At times, the two techniques, even when combined, fail to produce impressive results. Take the example of a soldier from Hazara who married a princess and also made it to the legislature but remains stranded in the woods. To be fair, his unique situation is based in the fact that it was not his own ambition that got him into the castle but the kindness of his stars and the generosity of the royal family.
We have finally arrived at the method of setting up a media house. A media house gives you a constituency bigger than any MNA can command. It gives you power over the minds of the rabble; and nothing is more scary to the residents of the castle than the wrath of the flimsy and treacherous public, permanently locked out but posing a constant threat to the peace inside. It also puts a horde of pen-bearing, camera-wielding genies at your command who can make the impossible possible in the wink of an eye. They may be fearsome creatures to masters of the castle but to you they are like domestic kittens, pleading for such simple favours as last year’s salaries.
Like many rich bakers, perfumers and tobacconists, the Axact bosses wisely thought of using the most modern technique to join the Illuminati - -the one percenters, the oligarchs, the plutocrats, or the ruling class – whose combined wealth and power influence every aspect of our daily lives. They were distributors of educational degrees to the whole world.
After centuries of western hegemony over education, they had finally reversed the trends. Now the gladiators of the world’s sole superpower needed their authentication to join the empire’s fearsome war machine. Children of Arab sheikhs needed keys from them to get into the oil industry. Filipino nurses needed their blessing to keep old men and women alive in western hospices and pilots were flying on the magic carpets of their degrees.
In the 1980s and 1990s, I heard dozens of intelligent people saying that we should not be excessively worried about heroin manufacturing and smuggling as it destroys the youth in the western countries and brings money to our country. Today, can we even distinguish those who made their fortunes through smuggling heroin from those who made money from building roads or manufacturing shoes? Given some years, the same would have happened with the Axact money but something went horribly wrong at a critical juncture.
In anthropology, it is called the period of liminality, the most dangerous period in a rite of passage when a person is between two stages of existence, neither here nor there. A slight mistake during this period can prove disastrous. Take the example of the rite of passage from this world to the world above the clouds. If a Brahman is not available or rituals are not carried out properly, the poor soul could be turned into a ghost, forced to live in a Banyan tree for decades or centuries where it becomes a source of constant threat to residents of nearby villages and its erstwhile friends and family members.
Almost all cultures tell us to lie low and assume humility during such a period. Take the example of the wise Chinese in our neighbourhood. While going through the process of becoming a superpower, the Middle Kingdom has behaved with the humility of a second-rate nation. Many scholars have noted that it is the first ever example in human history when a superpower has emerged without inviting a violent backlash from the established powers.
A fellow columnist has mentioned the myth of Icarus, a young man who dared to fly too near the sun on wings of feathers and wax and died after tumbling down to the earth. A similar myth pertains to Phaethon, son of the Sun god Helus, who attempted to drive the chariot of the sun, but losing control, set the earth on fire. Zeus, the king of the gods, then struck him down with a thunderbolt.
Unfortunately, IBA does not teach Greek Mythology or History or Anthropology to its students. And young men do not have at their command the folk wisdom available to those dealing in real estate or cargoes of peace-inducing substances. While the doom of Icarus or Phaethon was personal, in this case a host of fellow passengers have received burns that may prove fatal to many. Now that the Axact airship has exploded mid-air, I too have lost any hope of ever getting a decent job or a PhD degree.
Email: zaighamkhan@yahoo.com
Twitter: @zaighamkhan