Wed September 19, 2018
Can't connect right now! retry

add The News to homescreen

tap to bring up your browser menu and select 'Add to homescreen' to pin the The News web app

Got it!

add The News to homescreen

tap to bring up your browser menu and select 'Add to homescreen' to pin the The News web app

Got it!
Must Read


January 3, 2015



Leos, goats and committees

This whole horoscope deal is a scam. A whole lot of drivel, created by somebody back in the day with immense amounts of free time and ready access to mind altering drugs. But since nearly the entire world occasionally subscribes to this fantasy, let us also indulge.
Pakistan, born when it was, is a Leo, and some of the traits associated with this star sign are ‘original, imposing, inflexible, motivated, ambitious and masculine’.
Well, it seems like a tie. Pakistan may be original but is inflexible, it’s not motivated but is definitely masculine and while it is ambitious, it seems that the ambitions are rather self-destructing.
But like I said, this is all nonsense. A western conspiracy to club us, the chosen people, and to make public our strengths and weaknesses to that they may be exploited by our mortal enemies. And, of course, we have so many of them, all hell-bent on destroying our nation and people, because if they don’t our rise to the top of the ladder is only a matter of time and not a matter of discussion.
Perhaps we can look north, to China, like we always do. Our friends in Peking also share our disdain for this silly zodiac system, and have their own little mechanism going. Rather than being based on mythological creatures, the Chinese system is based on real animals – the rat, the pig and the snake to name a few. Sure, there’s the dragon as well, but since they’re our friends, we’ll let this one pass.
Year 2015 is going to be the year of the Goat. And to understand how the year is going to be, one must look, very carefully, at...a goat.
Mild-mannered and shy, stable and sympathetic, amiable and brimming with a strong sense of kind-heartedness and justice; these are just some of the attributes I can report back after spending some quality time with a goat.
During our conversations, I found the goat to have delicate thoughts, strong creativity. And although they look rather gentle on the surface, they are tough as

rubber on the inside. Oh, and the sense of calm and serenity which surrounds this wondrous animal is also praiseworthy. Is that what 2015 holds for Pakistan?
Our conversation didn’t last that long, as the dear old goat was soon being barbequed into some nice chops. Perhaps that’s what they actually mean for Pakistan as well.
This Chinese system doesn’t work either!
Maybe it’s time for us to have our own little system going. A mix then, of the western conspiracy and the Chinese animal farm. And a few originals thrown in for good measure.
2014 was the year of the ostrich. Our collective heads safe under mounds of sand as all hell broke loose above ground. Or how about the year of the sloth? The snake would also be a good candidate. The year of the terrorist or the suicide jacket or an improvised explosive device (IED)?
Let me cut to the chase as the word limit approaches. 2014 was a horrible bloody year. The economy tanked, jobs disappeared, and people died needlessly. All this while, the government sat on its enormous backside and did absolutely nothing.
Oh wait, they did do something. They formed committees. And sub-committees. And action plans. And committees to oversee action plans. Sure, they can publish tones of ‘achievements’ for 2014, but were they really necessary? Did they address the urgent needs of the state and its people? Not at all. But at least we know what 2014 was: the year of the committee.
Last year, I got to look into the future and make some predictions about how 2014 would pan out. I am sorry to report that I was right. About nearly everything. From the myriad of problems and challenges which we face, I had shortlisted energy and security as the two most important ones, which if controlled, could change the long-term direction of our sinking ship.
I don’t care for energy anymore. And neither for security. Where Pakistan is today, people must die. It is an unfortunate truth. However, we can decide how they will die. Will they be mowed down by an enemy in hiding, or valiantly in the heat of the battle? Will the deaths be in vain or will we be able to say, sometime in the future, that the deaths were unfortunate, yes, but we prevailed in the end.
Okay, I’ll make the predictions again, but don’t come back crying to me when it turns out I was right: the slide is going to continue. The energy crisis will rise, as will costs of living. The duplicity in dealing with terrorists will continue, although they will try to manage it a little more discreetly. Some in the opposition will quietly wait for their turn in power, while others will return to their sit-ins and containers. The deaths in Peshawar will soon be forgotten – replaced by a more recent tragedy.
How can 2015 be any different when it can only be a culmination of the seeds we’ve sown over the last so many years?
Twitter: @aasimzkhan
Email: [email protected]