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Tue, 07, 19

I am a 33-year-old working woman. I am a highly educated professional and because I was specialising....

Dear Professor,

I am a 33-year-old working woman. I am a highly educated professional and because I was specialising in my chosen profession, I refused the proposals that came my way. Now that I have completed my education, my parents are in earnest to get me married. The problem is that I got a couple of proposals of guys closer to my age, but they were not compatible with me education wise. And the proposal that my parents are asking me to accept is of a guy who is 39.

I am not excited about the prospect because I think it will not work out. Difference of almost10 years is a bit too much for my liking. The guy is a PhD, and lives in Australia. I have spoken to him a couple of times, and he seems like a decent and mature person. There is nothing else that I am worried about, but I can’t help comparing him to the husbands of my friends. My friends are very lucky because their husbands are closer to their age. I am more educated - both my friends got married after doing graduation- but their husbands are younger than mine! What will they think? They will feel pity for me, and I cannot stand anyone pitying me.

My parents cannot understand my feelings and are asking me to accept this proposal because they think I won’t get another one.

I am confused; I know good proposals are not easy to come by, but I want to get married to a guy who is my age. My friends have advised me to marry for love and not to compromise on things that are important to me. They say that girls can survive without getting married so I should not say yes if I don’t want to get married. What do you think?

Conflicted Girl

Dear Conflicted Girl,

To a girl in twenties, a guy who is 39 would seem positively ancient, but you are 33. So, the age difference is not really that much. You have found him to be a decent and mature person, and if you think he is mentally compatible with you, don’t worry about your friends’ opinion. It’s your life and you must make decisions in your best interests. Mostly, in our society, guys want to marry younger girls, so a 33-year-old would probably want a wife who is between 25-27. Or, if he doesn’t want it, his mother definitely would. So take this also into account. Your friends got married at a younger age, so they got younger husbands. Since you wanted to specialise in your field, you are no longer a young girl.

It’s fine to marry for love if you are in love, but since that is not the case with you, be practical. You are definitely not getting younger, and unless you go abroad chances are you won’t find a 33-35 year old guy. You should consider the pros and cons, and then decide. It won’t be very smart to reject a good person just because he is six years older than you. He is educated and decent, and that should tilt your mind in favour of this proposal and I think deep down you do realise it. Else, you wouldn’t have asked for advice when your friends have already spoken their minds.

Don’t throw away this chance of getting married to a guy who is decent and mature just because he is not your age. If one is mentally compatible, age is not an issue. Good luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan at [email protected]

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi.