Letters

Dear Nadine Khan,

I am a 31-year-old working girl. I am from a middle class family and have been working for about six years to supplement family income. When I switched job for better prospects, I met a guy, B, who is a senior executive in my new workplace. We soon became friends. He is married and has a son, but despite that he fell in love with me after some time. Initially, I was not very keen on him because he was married, but he promised he would marry me. He is a very good looking and rich guy and I also could not resist him for long. I think it was the idea that someone so good looking could fall for me that actually made me fall for him. Since B has a senior position, we were very careful at workplace, and only met at places where we were sure we would not be seen by anyone from office or our families. This went on for a year and then I got a proposal from a cousin whose wife dies in childbirth, and the baby is now eight months old. I am not beautiful, but this proposal sort of hurt me. My aunt’s attitude was that because of my looks I would not get married, and she was doing me a favour. I wanted to scream at her and tell everyone about B, but controlled myself. My cousin is very well-qualified, but his job is not that good either, and I really don’t want to marry him. When I told B about this proposal, he was very sympathetic. He said he would send his proposal in a week. I think I was emotionally compromised already, so when B became physical, I did not resist and gave in, thinking I would be married to him soon. Since that day, B has been ignoring me at workplace, and has stopped talking with me on phone. I am desperate, and I want to confront him in front of everyone in the office. I feel guilty at doing something not appropriate, and pray constantly that he would have a change of heart and marry me. My life is a real mess and I don’t know what to do. Please help!

Duped and Furious

Dear Duped and Furious,

You were duped by this guy but you cannot blame him totally. In your own words, you did not really protest because you thought you would be married to him shortly. You knew he was married and had a son, so what made you think he would marry you? How could you just take his words like that? The smart thing would have been to ask him to send his proposal. You should accept the fact that he was playing you. Had his intention been honourable he wouldn’t have taken advantage of your innocence. Hoping that he would have a change of heart will only compound your misery. He has stopped taking your calls because he does not want any further contact with you. Confronting him at workplace will be bad for your reputation; you see, everyone will blame you for giving yourself to him, and trying to break his home.

The best option for you would be to forget this guy and find another job. Start thinking about accepting the proposal of your cousin; he is not rich like this sleaze ball who deceived you, but he is a qualified person and in time he will do well. You shouldn’t have a problem because he has a baby, because you were okay with the idea of marrying B, who also has a son. Be realistic, dear, and unless you have a better option, accept this proposal. Best of luck!

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Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

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