Letters

Dear Professor Nadine,

I am a 23-year-old girl. My problem is that I am in love with my best friend's husband. I am engaged to my cousin and my wedding date was set only last month, but how can I marry my cousin when I love H? I saw H for the first time at his wedding with my college friend, R. For me, it was love at first sight. I think of H all the time; he is good looking, smart, well-spoken and well-groomed. I am a lot better looking than R, and my fiance is just an ordinary looking guy. I don't know what R has that I lack; H seems to be in love with her, and treats me like a younger sister. I have tried to impress him with my beauty, but he has not given any sign that he finds me attractive. R, I think, has become suspicious of me. She does not invite me to her house anymore and is cold towards me when I go to meet her. Should I tell H how I feel and leave the decision on him? Kindly suggest a way for me to get out of this coil.

Helpless Lover

Dear Helpless Lover,

You cannot blame R for becoming reserved; she has become suspicious of you and is justified in wanting to keep you away from her husband. H loves his wife, and treats you like a younger sister, so if you tell him how you feel he will only lose respect for you. You are simply impressed by H's personality; you don't love him. You feel bad because you are beautiful and think that you deserve a good looking husband. My dear, don't do anything to lose your self-respect. Don't judge your fiance simply on his looks; it's his nature and character you should consider important. Since he is your cousin, your parents must have deemed him a good person, worthy of their daughter. Trust your parents' choice and pray to God for your happiness. Forget H, and think only of having a happy life with your cousin after your marriage. Good luck.

Dear Nadine,

I am a 33-year-old working woman. I got married when I was 24. My husband, M, was very good to me, and because of him I took a lot of bad stuff from my in-laws. M died before our son was born, and my in-laws told me to do my iddat with my parents. They said according to sharia law, my child couldn't inherit from his grandfather because of M's premature death. My parents supported me and I started working when my son got admission in pre-school. Since I got a good job, supporting myself and my son was not a problem. Three years back, my father died and everything changed. My sister-in-law wants me to leave the house and my mother has become so helpless that she cannot say a word in my support. My brother remains quiet when she tells me to leave the house and let them live in peace. If I move, I will have to rent an apartment and then I will have a problem. I don't make enough to pay my rent and meet other living expenses including school fees. I just don't know what to do, and where to go. Can you direct me to a hostel in Karachi where they allow working mothers with children?

Upset Mom

Dear Upset Mom,

You have been dealing with your problems very bravely, and you need to stay brave still for your rights. You didn't say whether the house belonged to your father or brother. If the house belonged to your father, I advise you not to leave it. You also have a share in your father's property, and if your brother wants you to leave, he should sell the house and give you your share, or have the house assessed and pay you the market value. It is sad how one's own brother can change, but if he is not thinking about you, you need to look out for yourself. And, according to our family laws, even your son can inherit from his grandfather, but you will have to go to court for it. Getting accommodation in a hostel should be your last option, if all else fails. I advise you to first fight for your right. Good luck.

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