By you desk
Tue, 07, 18

I am a 35-year-old man. My father died when I was only 22, and being the eldest of my siblings....

Dear Nadine Khan,

I am a 35-year-old man. My father died when I was only 22, and being the eldest of my siblings I had to assume responsibility for my family. It was not easy as the pension my mother received was not enough to cover the educational expenses of my two sisters and one brother. I started working and also somehow managed to continue my studies. Finally, when my youngest sister got married two years back, my mother started looking for a girl for me. Last year, I got married and I must say that my mother chose my bride well. My wife, R, is beautiful but more importantly, she is very good natured, and has won the hearts of my mother and sisters. So, I should be happy, right? Unfortunately, I am the most miserable person on earth. The reason is that despite my best intentions, I could not help falling in love with my wife’s younger sister, D, who was in the US when we got married.

My wife’s family lives in Gujrat and D got a job in Lahore. Although she lives in women’s hostel near her workplace, she spends her weekends with us. She is very intelligent and has a great sense of humour. I tried my level best to control myself, and tried to stay out late on weekends to avoid spending time with her, but that got me into trouble with my wife. So, I decided to stay at home and remain in my room, but even that does not work well.

I have become obsessed with D to the extent that I got mad when I caught her talking to a guy. She was frightened and kept saying it was work related but I know she was lying, because she was talking in hushed tones and was smiling prettily all the while she was listening to him. In that instant, I knew that I had to marry her, but the problem is that I am already married to her sister, who is expecting our first child. And I love my wife also, and don’t want to leave her. Should I tell D directly how I feel for her? It would be a bit difficult because she calls me bhai jaan, and treats me as her elder brother. Or should I take R into confidence and ask her to permit me to marry her sister? What will be the consequences in case I tell her the truth?

Please tell me some way to get D, as I cannot live without her.


Dear Anonymous,

You are basically a good person; you looked after your family after your father’s death, which is not something a lot of guys do nowadays. God rewarded you with a good wife. D seems to be a test for you and you must strive not to fail. Your family is happy with R, and you admit that you love her too. You will soon have a child to complete your happiness, so don’t do anything rash to destroy your life. You cannot marry D while you are still married to R, if you are a Muslim, and even if you belong to any other religion, there is no way you can have both sisters as your wife at the same time.

Besides, you seem to have overlooked the fact that you would need D’s consent to marry her, too. Judging by the phone talk you mentioned, she is probably in love with some other guy. If you tell her about your feelings, you will lose her respect and regard totally. She looks up to you as a brother and would be devastated to learn that your feelings towards her are amorous. Similarly, if you tell your wife, you will break her heart. She is expecting your first child and should be totally stress-free at this time. Do you want to take the risk of bringing harm upon your wife or child?

You need to think things over, and get over your obsession. D is not the one who is interested in you, so your feelings are one way only, and cannot be imposed on D. For the sake of preserving your sanity and your family, get a grip over yourself, and tell your wife to help D if she is involved with someone. Once she is married hopefully you will start feeling normal. In the meantime, if your feelings overpower you, visit a psychiatrist. Good luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail

Prof. Nadine Khan at [email protected]

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine,

The News, Al-Rehman Building

(4th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi.