Letters

Dear Nadine!

I am a 19-year-old girl, doing BS. I became friends with many of my classmates when I got admission in the university because I am a gregarious person by nature and make friends easily. H is a class fellow I liked particularly because we have the same interests. I thought H was interested in me, so when he told me that he was thinking about sending his parents to my home with his proposal, I was very happy. I started talking to him on cell and communicating with him via text messages because I thought he was serious about me. We started to hang out in the university also and very soon our classmates started talking about us, but I didn’t mind. A friend tried to warn me about H, but I thought she was jealous. Then a cousin of mine who is in my university, but in another department saw me with H. He came to my house that day and asked me whether I was serious about H, or was it simply friendship. I told him H has said he would send his proposal, but so far hasn’t been able to talk to his mother. My cousin said that H was infamous among guys as a flirt. He said H has broken many hearts and I should stop before I hurt myself. He showed me pictures of H with different girls at public places on his cell phone. I asked him how he got those pictures and he said a girl who was once close to H, and was later on jilted by him gave him the pictures. When H was in a relationship with this girl, she had somehow got his Facebook password. When she saw the pictures she broke up with him. After that H deactivated his Facebook. Now, Nadine do you think I should leave H or give him the benefit of the doubt? I haven’t myself seen anything wrong in him, and he’s told me time and over that he loves me. I do trust my cousin and I know he is sincere with me, but what if he is wrong? Should I believe my cousin and leave H, or should I give him a chance to explain? I really like H!

Torn Apart

Dear Torn Apart,

It is very natural to become friends with someone with similar tastes, so it’s understandable why you like the guy so much. However, one thing that should have triggered alarm bells is that H captivated your heart after telling you he would send his parents, but after you were hooked he conveniently told you that he had not been able to talk to his mother about you. So your cousin could be right about H. Instead of putting up with this uncertainty, you should show the pictures to H and ask him to explain. Also, ask him when he would talk to his mother. If he tries to stall, you will have your answer. You see, you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, so if he admits he has had relationships before but proves his sincerity by sending his proposal, you can think about saying yes. But, if he tries to buy more time, you have your proof and must stop talking to him. Good luck!

Dear Prof. Nadine Khan,

I am a 20-year-old girl, studying engineering from a public university. Nothing is right in my life. I can’t sleep early so I get up late. I often miss my first class, and I am not doing well at university. I have dark circles under my eyes, which make me look bad. My mother is always unhappy with me because I am not as good looking as my elder sister. My sister is good at studies, and with household chores. Is it my fault that I am not like her? I am a straight person and cannot do stupid chores to make people like me. They should love me and like me the way I am. I feel very depressed all the time because life is so ugly; my own parents are biased. Then, when my sister acts as if she is concerned about me, I feel angry because I cannot put up with such tactics. She tries to do my work to make me look bad and inefficient, and everyone likes her because they think she is good! I love my family and want them to love me. What can I do to change my parents thinking?

Misunderstood Aquarian

Dear Misunderstood Aquarian,

The first thing you should realise is that parents’ love is unconditional; but appreciating good qualities in their loved ones is something all people do. Your sister seems to be more responsible and considerate, which is why she helps your mother. Of course your mother appreciates her help as It takes a lot of will power to do household chores when you are tired or have studies or other work. Yet, your sister does it and you don’t. You seem to think it’s just a tactic to make your mother like her more. You claim you are a straight person and you should be loved and liked for what you are. Well, your parents love you but how can they like what they don’t feel is likeable? You get up late, don’t help at home and are probably not even very friendly with everyone because of this feeling of jealousy you have for your sister. So, if you want to be liked first change yourself. Getting proper sleep would take care of your dark circles and help you do better at your studies. Try to be friendly with your sister and do what you can to help out your mother. Doing nothing at home shows you are inconsiderate and self-centred; it does not prove that you are a straight person. People like others for their good qualities and that is why your sister is well liked. Becoming more active will help you get out of depression, and once you manage to overcome it, life will be beautiful for you. Best of luck!