Letters

Dear Nadine Khan,

I am a married woman of 30, and I have two kids. I did my masters in English Literature, and as a student I was career oriented. I taught in a college for two years before my marriage. However, after marriage my husband asked me to leave my job and concentrate on family life. I did not want to quit because in a month’s time I found out that my mother-in-law is a sly person with a nasty temper. Initially, she used to make snide comments indirectly about things like getting up late or going out together to parties where she had not been invited. I noticed that every time she made comments, my husband’s attitude became harsh towards me and soon we started having fights. That’s why I was reluctant to leave my job; I was scared that my mother-in-law would make my husband to divorce me. Anyway, I had to quit and become a housewife. At my mother-in-law’s instigation, my husband has hit me many times. My parents wanted me to go for khula, but I did not want it because of my two children. After three years, my husband got a job in Muscat and went away, leaving me with his mother. She literally made my life hell. She used to tell lies to my husband and every time he called me he ended up shouting at me for misbehaving with his mother. Now, my sister-in-law who lives in Quetta became a widow recently. She called my saas to live with her, and she went immediately, without thinking how I would live alone with two children! So my husband has made arrangements for us to live with him. The thing is, whenever I asked him to call me to Muscat, he used to say that his salary did not entitle him to call his family. All of a sudden, he is entitled to call his family to live with him! I guess I should be happy, but I am scared. He has temper issues. How can I forget that he used to beat me just to make his mom happy? I still love him and want to have a good and healthy relationship with him, but I am not sure about his feelings. There were times he used to be loving and caring towards me, but only in the absence of his mother. In front of her, he behaved like a despot. I know my stable marriage is good for my children, but what if he treats me badly once I am there? I will be miserable here without him and may encounter violence at his hands over there. I feel upset and insecure without him, and want a normal life with him and our children. Should I take a risk and go to him, or stay here? Please help.

Upset and Insecure

Dear Upset and Insecure,

You have had a tough time up till now, but I really think your trial is at end. It was your mother-in-law on whose instigation your husband mistreated you, and she won’t be around to do further damage. My dear, you have stated that he was a loving husband in the absence of his mother, so I think it’s a God sent opportunity for you to develop understanding with him. Don’t let his past behaviour deter you; he loves you and his children, but like all weak men, he had to mistreat you to prove to his mother that you did not matter to him that much. The important thing is that you both love each other. You can build up a good life together in the absence of any interference from your mother-in-law. It will be very good for your children to be finally able to live with both their parents. So, go to Muscat with a light heart and enjoy your life with your husband. Good luck!