Letters

Dear Nadine,

I am a 26-year-old good-looking Mechanical Engineer. I am working in a government sector organization at an executive post. I belong to a lower middle class family. I got engaged a few months ago to a girl who is M.Sc. in Economics, and belongs to a well-off family. Her father is a friend of my father, and we got engaged at her father's initiative. I have never met or talked to my fiancee.

Presently, we are living in a rented home and cannot afford our own house in the near future. I started my practical life from scratch. I have been suffering from a very complex psychological situation since my engagement. I am afraid that she will not be able to lead a happy and satisfactory life with me, because of my financial background. This might be some kind of an inferiority complex, but it is affecting my personality. Before getting engaged, I had never felt this way and was very much satisfied with my life. It might be a baseless fear and you might say that wealth is not that important for a girl to have a good marital relationship. But, there are some cases even in my family where these kinds of things have ruined some lives. I am a very practical person, but this fear is becoming more and more intense with every passing day. Due to some unknown psychological reasons, I cannot find the courage to discuss this problem with her.

Since it was purely a decision of our parents, I don't think that her parents have told her the exact situation about our financial background. I know that it is every girl's dream to marry a wealthy person and have her own home. I don't want her to sacrifice her dreams and wishes for a decision someone else has made. I am a very sensitive person and if, later on in my life, I come to know that she has been living with me just because of some moral obligation, it would be a great shock for me. Perhaps this is a very minor problem, but it is intensifying day by day. Please tell me what to do.

Kamran

Dear Kamran,

Finding a good match, whether one is looking for a girl or a guy, has become very tough nowadays. People prefer to find matches for their children from families they know, as it's not easy to trust unknown families. You got engaged on the initiative of your father's friend, which clearly means that the girl's family is satisfied with your family and your own status in life. You are educated, good looking and already at a good post, so don't underestimate yourself. You have just started out and have good prospects, which is what attracted your father-in-law to be. Wealth is not the only factor that is important for a marriage to work. Had the girl's father been a materialistic person, he would have sought a proposal for his daughter in an affluent family, but he opted for a known, decent person to be his son-in-law. This clearly shows that wealth is not of foremost importance to him; decency and good values are, which you seem to possess in abundance.

You are right when you say that girls want to marry into settled families and there is nothing wrong about wanting a secure life - but not all girls get to do it. Then there are some girls, brought up with good values, who prefer a good human being over a wealthy person who isn't a good person. Don't worry about the financial aspect too much. Mostly when people start their married life, they are not that plump in the pocket, but prosper gradually by dint of hard work. In all probability, your fiancee is aware of your standing, but since you are not in communication with her, ask your parents to sort it out for you.

Don't worry about the cases in your family where marriages didn't prosper because of money issues. If you look around you will find many couples living happily even if girls from well-off families are married into not so affluent ones.

So, instead of fretting about something you are not even sure of, utilize your time in making your prospects better in every way you can. Best of luck!

 

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