Dear Nadine Khan,
I am a 22-year-old girl, in the fourth year of medical school. This is a crucial year for me as I have to decide many things like when to get married, pursuing a house job and then going for FCPS, but I cannot concentrate on anything because of many problems surrounding me.
Firstly, I am on the verge of breaking up with T, who I have been involved with since I started medical school. Actually, my family found out about us and they are very angry. I don’t think they will accept T’s proposal, so I think I should break up with him, although I would do it with a very heavy heart because I really love him. We had mutually decided to tell our families after our final year exams, but it came out before we were ready. Secondly, I don’t understand how to handle my family. They found out about T, and were very angry. My mother and brothers have stopped talking to me. I tried to apologise to my mom but in vain. I have always been very friendly with my mom, and I wanted to tell her about my relationship but was waiting for the right time. I wish I had done it, but my family found out when my brother accidentally read my text messages. I am not very close to my dad, but his attitude has not changed.
I really don’t know what to do. I am trying to cope with this situation by being humble, but it’s becoming very difficult to bear their cold behaviour. I’ve no one at the moment to share anything with. I’ve even thought of running away and put an end to this but I know that is not the solution for anything.
I’ve been thinking about how to make things right. This month has been hard for me. My mother doesn’t give me the chance to say anything and I feel extremely sorry for breaking my family’s trust. I try to speak to them but they act as if I don’t even exist! Please help me out. What should I do?
Dear Stressed Soul,
It was unfortunate that your family found out about your relationship with T the way they did. Your mother is upset because she probably feels betrayed; it would have been better had you confided in your mother. However, instead of thinking about running away like a teenager, do all you can to communicate your remorse. Since your father has not shown any anger, try to enlist his support. Tell him that you did not mean to hurt anyone and are even considering breaking up with T despite the fact that you love him. In fact, it will be better for you if you can convince your father to meet T. In the meantime, just keep apologising to your mother, and I am sure she will relent. As for your brothers, it’s not their business really, as your parents are alive and you are answerable to them alone. My dear, you are an adult, and have the right to choose your life partner. I hope your parents can realise that you are a dutiful daughter, who is prepared to give up her love for them. I think your mother just needs a little time to accept that you have someone else in your life. If your father meets T and puts in a good word, your mother will also accept the situation and forgive you. Best of luck!
Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan at email@example.com
Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, c/o Editor “You!” magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (5th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi.