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Dear Professor,

I am a 30-year-old guy. I am an engineer by profession and have been working for six years now. Since my parents are well-established, I have been able to save a lot and am very stable financially. My mother wants me to get married, but I am sort of reluctant. You see, I live in a big house with my parents and elder brother who is married. My paternal uncle lives on the first floor and because my grandmother lives with us, we have the ground floor portion. My grandmother loves us all but the problem is that she rules the household with a firm hand. The house is in her name and my grandfather left her a wealthy widow. My mother, my sister-in-law and my aunt cannot even move a chair in their own room. They are very mellow by nature but the girl I love, A, will never put up with my grandmother’s highhandedness. She is an educated, working girl who is aware of her rights. I explained my family set-up to her and she told me to get her a separate house or forget her.

I discussed this situation with my mother and she said she has no objection if I elect to split from our very solidly joint family, as she wants me to have a happy life. But, when my grandmother came to know about this, she told my parents to look for another girl. She said A is a selfish and spoilt girl who has snared me and if I marry A she will have nothing to do with me. My father says it’s up to me because it’s my life, and I should follow my heart. But, Professor, marrying A will have consequences. My grandmother will give a tough time to my parents, and may even leave them out of her will. Will I be selfish if I listen to my heart? Should I forget A, whose company makes me so happy and relaxed? I am in a fix. Please help!

Guy in a Fix.

Dear Guy in a Fix,

You are a lucky man because you have amazing parents who want only your happiness. And, to your credit, you are also concerned about the repercussions of your decision for your parents. My dear, A has the right to a separate place for herself after marriage. In our religion, a man must provide his wife space that she is mistress of, and the best part is that your parents don’t have any problems with this plan. A’s decision is not selfish; she is a sensible, independent girl who knows her mins. She will not fit in at all in your family structure. She will refuse to kowtow to your grandmother which will ruin the environment of your house. So get a house for her and set your wedding plans rolling. Your father will deal with his mother’s wrath and will know how to appease her. Your grandmother may be an autocratic woman, but she loves her family and won’t cut your father out of her will. Besides, according to Sharia property laws, she cannot do it. Any such will can be challenged in court. And, once you are married, hopefully after some time your grandmother will ‘forgive’ you. Best of luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor “You!” magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (5th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi.