My boss texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes, Pete.”
I replied, “I’m working at the moment, Sir, I will send you one later.”
He replied, “That was fantastic, send me another one.”
An office executive was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.
“If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?”
“I’d have to say the living one.”
A young, inexperienced bank robber gets caught during his first stick-’em-up and ends up in court. Crucial evidence — including CCTV recordings from the bank lobby — has gone missing. After weeks of deliberation, cross-examinings, conflicting witness statements, a hung jury and a huge deal of frustration, the young man is found not guilty. As the foreman states the verdict, the rather lucky defendant pipes up, ‘Does that mean I can keep the money?’
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.