A large two-engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. “No problem,” the driver thought, and carried on at half power. Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
The driver decided to inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly.“
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager’s office.
“What is the meaning of this?” the manager asked. “When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years’ experience. Now we discover this is the first job you’ve ever had.”
“Well,” the young man said, “in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”
When I moved out to LA they told me I had to work out. I was like, I don’t wanna do that. They gave me this trainer, and the dude was like... “The most important thing is, you can’t eat late at night or you’ll get fat.” And I’m like, “Forget that, you supposed to eat late at night.” He was like, “No you not.” I’m like, “Well, why they put a light in the refrigerator?”