Between the devil and the deep blue sea
I am a 25-year-old graduate guy. I belong to a middle-class, respectable family, and I work in a private firm. I earn pretty well. I have two older married sisters who are settled in their life. My father passed away around two years back and now I live with my mother in our house. Since I go to office and my sisters also live in their respective homes, my mother really feels lonely after my father’s death. She wants me to get married so that she can have somebody to keep her company while I am away. Guru, I really like my colleague K. She is very smart and pretty. We both have been romantically involved for three years. But the problem is that K is a working woman, too. In case I marry her, who is going to give company to my mother in my absence? I have told K that if she wants to marry me then she has to resign from her job and stay at home. K has categorically told me that she will not resign. She says that she will not mind living with my mom but she will not sacrifice her career for my mom. Guru, I am in a fix. On the one hand, there is my mom who is so lonely and on the other hand there is this woman whom I love so much but who is not ready to make any compromises. I don’t want to lose K and I don’t want to upset my mom, either. I am caught in an awkward situation. What should I do?
Dear Confused Dude
I respect your feelings for your mom and I really appreciate you for being so considerate. But if you put yourself in K’s shoes and then think, you will realise that your demand is unjust. If your career is important to you then K’s career is equally important to her. You have been in a relationship with her for three years, and you must be well aware of her personal choices. If you want to get married for your mother’s sake, then you shouldn’t have an affair with a working woman in the first place. What were you thinking in all those years? Dear, don’t think like typical guys. Instead of asking her to resign why don’t you look for alternative solutions? Since you earn well, you can afford to keep a full-time maid who can not only look after your mom but can be with her 24/7, so she won’t feel lonely. Ask your sisters to visit her on alternate days to give her company. Mind you, she is their responsibility too. You see, this is not a big issue that cannot be solved. K seems like a sensible girl. She is willing to live with your mom which I think is admirable. At least, she does not want to take you away from your mom. I suggest you marry K without making any unjust demands. Chances are you will be happy with her. Good luck!
My father is not letting me study further
I am a regular reader of your column. I am an 18-year-old girl. I belong to a middle-class family. I have finished my intermediate. Guru, I want to study further but the problem is that my family is very conservative. In our family, girls are not allowed to get higher education. According to my father, I have studied enough and now I should get married. He has also found a suitable match, B, for me. He is not so bad and he is from a respectable family but, Guru, I don’t want to get married at such a young age. I want to go to college and university. How should I persuade my father?
Dear Helpless Daughter,
According to an African proverb, “If you educate a man, you educate an individual. But if you educate a woman, you educate a nation”. This is so unfortunate that even in this modern age of technology there are men like your father who are against girls’ education. These people don’t understand the value of education. However, you are too young to take a stand on your own. I suggest you talk to B. He seems like a sensible guy. Tell him that in case you marry him, he has to allow you to study further. I am sure he will understand your point of view. Get married and pursue your goals. There is no harm in trying. Good luck!
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