Dream job

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young programmer,“And what starting salary were you looking for?”

The programmer said, “In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit package.”

The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement

fund to 50% of salary, and a company Corvette leased every 2 years?”

The programmer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?”

The HR Person replied, “Certainly, ...but you started it.”

Physics...

One day our physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” “To save lives,” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So, how does physics save lives?”he persisted. “It keeps the idiots out of medical school”, replied the professor.

2020 vision

I went for an eye test at the opticians around 10 years ago. I had to look into this large machine and tell the optician what I could see.

“I can see closed pubs, face masks and a Chinese fella eating a bat,” I told him.

“Well, you don’t need glasses! You’ve got 2020

vision.”