I live in constant fear that one day while I’m least
suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize
and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleeps on the second floor south room next to the bathroom which is where she keeps all her jewellery hidden behind the mirror.
A cranky woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, “Chocolate.”
The judge asked her how many bars of chocolates.
She replied in a nasty tone, “One! But why do you care about that?”
The judge answered patiently, “Well, ma’am, because I’m going to give you one day in jail for one chocolate.”
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
“Yes. What do you have to add?”
The husband said meekly, “Your Honour, she also stole two cans of peas.”
A woman goes to an artist to have her portrait painted. She tells the artist that she wants him to paint her wearing lots expensive jewellery. Diamonds, gold, pearls, etc.
The artist says, “But you aren’t wearing any.”
She replies, “I know, I don’t own any either. But if I die, my husband is the kind of man that will get remarried right away. I want to drive his new wife crazy looking for the jewels.”