I am too temperamental
I am an 18-year-old girl. I am a regular reader of your column. I belong to a well-off family. I am studying in intermediate in a well-reputed college. I am a very beautiful girl and am already engaged to my cousin. I am not interested in studying further, so it’s decided that I am going to get married in a year or two. Guru, my problem is that I am very moody. Actually, I am a very pampered child since I am the only sister of five big brothers. My family loves me and they try to fulfill all my wishes. So, now I cannot tolerate anything which is against my will. Like, if I want to eat something, I have to eat it then and there, if I have to watch my favourite show on TV, the rest have to watch it, too, etc. I throw a lot of tantrums. If I get angry, everyone tries to pacify me. Sometimes I also feel guilty for giving too much trouble to my family. My mother says that I should control my anger as it may create problems in my future life. Please give me some anger management tips.
Dear Spoiled Girl,
You are very fortunate to have caring parents and brothers who love you to the extent of spoiling you. But, it seems you are taking their love and affection for granted. You should not throw tantrums and should try to control your temper. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion but the problem arises when it gets out of control. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite physical activities. You are no more a child; you are a grownup girl now who is going to be married in a year or two. Young girl, you have no idea how cruel outside world is! You can be as temperamental as you want as you know there are people around you who care about you. But life changes… once you are married, you won’t be in the same loving environment and you will have to make a conscious effort to make your place in your in-laws’ hearts. So be sensible. You don’t need any anger management tips; you just have to change your thinking pattern. Appreciate your family for being so exceptionally good with you. They feel happy in your happiness; return their warmth by showing some gratitude towards them. Good luck!
I am tired of my long engagement
I am a 28-year-old working girl. I belong to a middle-class family. Guru, some eight years ago, I got engaged to my cousin, H. I was in B.A (final year) then and it was decided that marriage would take place after two years. H was doing his Masters, and looking for a job. The two of us really liked each other and I was very happy. Then two years passed and H’s parents told us that we had to wait for another twot to three years, as they wanted H’s elder sister to get married first. They wanted H to arrange for her dowry. I had joined a multi-national firm after completing my graduation. To cut the long story short, it’s been eight years now and H’s parents have been extending our marriage on one pretext or another. H is now earning well but somehow he is reluctant to talk to his parents about our marriage. Apparently, H is a very obedient son who cannot take a stand for his own happiness. Guru, I am so fed up of this situation. I am thinking of calling off this long engagement. What do you suggest?
Dear Agitated Fiancée,
I understand your situation, young lady. Actually, engagements should not be prolonged in the first place. Eight years is a long period and you have already given so many precious years of your life waiting for H. I know you are getting frustrated but calling off your engagement is not a viable solution to your problem. You are a mature girl and you must tackle the situation very sensibly. Why don’t you talk to H directly and ask him firmly whether he seriously wants to marry you or not? And if he is serious, then he must take a stand for you. Tell him straightforwardly that you cannot afford to wait further. If you feel that H’s parents are the real culprits behind the postponement of your marriage then tell your parents to talk to them once and for all. Hope they will come to your house for ‘date-fixing’ soon. Good luck!
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