The police officer pulls the guy over and says, “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”
My eye doctor told me this, I’m not making this up. He goes, “You know you have one eye set a little bit higher than your other eye? I replied, “No, I didn’t know that.”
He goes, “It’s no big deal; it doesn’t affect your vision or anything. I just thought you might want to be self-conscious for the rest of your life.”
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”
The guy obliges and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the same guy driving around with the truck full of penguins again. This time, though, all the penguins are wearing sunglasses.
The police officer pulls the guy over and says, “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”
The guy replies, “I did, and today I’m taking them to the beach.”
A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: “Talking Centipede $100.”
The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a walk.
The centipede doesn’t answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he’s been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.
He raises his voice and shouts, “Do you want to go for a walk?”
The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says, “Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I’m putting on my shoes!”
