Should I tell him about my past?
I am an ardent fan of your column. I am a 22-year-old graduate. I belong to a middle class family. I am engaged and going to be married in six months’ time. My fiancé, H, is an engineer and he works for an automobile company. He is 28 years old and is quite decent. I have been engaged since a year and I have developed good understanding with H. He has told me everything about his past. He had an affair with a girl for five years but it didn’t work out as the girl was from a different sect and his family did not accept her. H wants to have a good life with me without any complications. He says that he can tolerate anything but he cannot stand lies. Guru, I was also involved with a guy, N, when I was in college, but I broke up with him after few months when I got to know that he was a flirt. Now, I am very confused. Should I tell H about N or should I just keep silent about my clandestine affair? I have seen that guys don’t accept girls with a past. What if he breaks this engagement? But he hates liars and I don’t want him to mistrust me. My best friend has told me to stay quiet but I am feeling kind of guilty. I am quite afraid. What should I do?
Girl in a Fix
Dear Girl in a Fix,
I can imagine your apprehensions. In our society people have double standards; they usually don’t mind if a guy has a past but they don’t accept a girl who has a past. But not all men are alike. There are open-minded guys, too, who value sincerity and trust. Your fiancé apparently falls into the latter category that believes in fair play. Count yourself lucky, girl, to have a life partner like H, who accepts nothing from you but honesty.
My dear, a relationship is based on trust. You know that he hates liars so why you are jeopardizing your future life because of your past? If he comes to know about your clandestine affair from some other sources, don’t you think, he will feel upset and cheated? So, there is no point keeping him in dark. I think you should tell him about your past and get over with your fears once and for all. It’s much better to come clean and live a peaceful life rather than living in guilt and doubts. I am sure H will appreciate your honesty. Good luck!
No one is thinking about my marriage
I am a 24-year-old guy. I am doing a job in a private organization. I started working about four years ago, as soon as I finished my B.Com. I also support my family. I have two elder sisters and one younger brother. My father is a civil servant. We live in our grandfather’s house. Both my sisters are of marriageable age. My parents are really worried about them and are waiting for good proposals for them. Guru, I give a major chunk of my salary to my mother to run the house smoothly along with my father. My mother has also saved money for my sisters’ weddings. But Guru, no one is thinking about my marriage. I am in love with my neighbor, S. She is 20 and knows about my circumstances. I want to marry her. I have told my mother about her but she says that first they have to marry off my sisters then only they can think about my marriage. Guru, it will be too late then. S is already getting good proposals. I don’t want to lose her. How can I persuade my parents? I am very upset.
Bachelor in Love
Dear Bachelor in Love,
Don’t feel upset, young man. Your parents’ concern for their daughters is natural. Both of your sisters are of marriageable age and for parents it’s a big responsibility. So, there is nothing wrong with it if they want to marry them off first. As far as you are concerned, you should not lose heart. If your parents are not agreeing to your marriage at this moment, that’s fine. You can get engaged to S so that you will have this satisfaction that she is not going anywhere else. I am sure your parents will agree to this settlement. You can marry her after few years. In the mean time focus on your future so that you can have a hassle free life with S. Good luck!
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