I am a 21-year-old young bride. I got married around six months ago. It was an arranged marriage....
My mother-in-law is not happy with me
Salam Guru,
I am a 21-year-old young bride. I got married around six months ago. It was an arranged marriage. I live in a joint family. My husband is very nice and caring, and I am really happy with him. My father-in-law is also very kind and polite and even my sister-in-law and brother-in-law (who are younger than my husband) are respectful towards me. They both are studying in college and I have developed a good rapport with them. My only problem is my mother-in-law who is always angry with me for some reason or the other.
Guru, my cooking skills are zero, but my mother-in-law, on the other hand, is an excellent cook. So she always find fault with whatever I cook and make me feel embarrassed in front of guests. She never misses any chance of taunting me if I make any mistake.
Actually, Guru, I was a pampered child and I never did any household chores before. I think my mother-in-law wanted a bahu who is perfect in every aspect and somehow I am not up to her expectations. I believe she is a nice woman but her behaviour is really getting on my nerves. My blood pressure shoots up because I am tensed all the time. It seems very hard to please her. Please tell me what to do.
Tensed Bride
Dear Tensed Bride,
In every marriage there are teething problems which are resolved with the passage of time. You don’t need to feel upset about your mother-in-law’s behaviour. See the picture in a bigger frame - you are happily married and you have no major issues or grievances. Your life partner is caring and loving; you go along well with your father-in-law and other members of the family. The only problem is your mother-in-law. The best thing you can do is to ignore her taunts and just take it in your stride.
So many young brides face this issue when they enter practical life but these are things which can be dealt with easily. You can take some cooking classes and polish your culinary skills. Take extra interest in household chores. When your mother-in-law notices that you are putting in an extra effort, she will be obliged to change her attitude towards you. Good luck!
She is in a hurry
Dear Guru,
I am 24 years old. I work in a multi-national. I have been working for two years. I have done my BBA from a reputed institute and I am thinking of doing MBA as it will help me with my professional growth. I am planning to take admission in evening classes. I belong to a middle class family and I also contribute to the family income.
Guru, actually my problem is related to my love, S. She happens to be my neighbour. We have been in a relationship for the last three years. Initially, when I was not working, we used to talk for long hours. But, since I have started working, I hardly get time to talk to her. Guru, I am sincere with her and want to marry her, but I want to settle down first. But S does not understand my situation. She has been very demanding and pushy of late. She thinks we should get married now, which is not possible for me. I keep telling her that I need time to get into a stable position and earn enough to support her and my own family well, but she seems to be in a hurry. I have two younger brothers who will later lessen my burden after completing their education.
Guru, how should I handle the situation? I don’t want to lose her and I don’t want to stop supporting my family either.
Obliged Son
Dear Obliged Son,
It’s really good of you to support your family but you should think about your happiness, too. It won’t make you selfish if you marry her; you can always support your family even after your marriage. You need to understand her position, too. Normally, in our society, guys can marry at any age but girls are married off at a relatively younger age. Maybe S is being pressurised by her family to get married and since she loves you she wants to marry you. You can’t really blame her as she has been waiting for you for the last three years. If you don’t want to lose her then getting engaged seems like a good idea. In that way she will feel secure and then you can marry her when you are financially stable. Good luck!
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