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COMIC RELIEF

September 8, 2017
By Usama Rasheed

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch on the road, and the car became bogged.

Harvesting a profit

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch on the road, and the car became bogged.COMIC RELIEF

After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted, and minutes later, the car was free.

The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”

The husband looks around the fields incredulously, and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?

“No,” the young farmer replied, “Night is when I put water in the hole.”

 

The Corporate Zodiac

Astrology tells about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out.

Marketing: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now.COMIC RELIEF

Sales: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree”. You are also self-centred and paranoid. Unless someone calls and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with “customers” so you can “concentrate on the big picture”.

Technology: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often, you don’t even understand what you are saying.

Engineering: One of only two signs that actually studied in school. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest “ergo-dynamic” gadgets.

Accounting: The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization.

Human resources: Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization.

 

Middle management: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision, you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself.

 

Birthday present

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses - one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered 21 roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never found out what made the young girl so angry.

COMIC RELIEF

Compiled by Usama Rasheed