I am a 22-year-old guy. I am a medical student. I belong to a well-off family. We are two brothers and one sister.
Should I surrender my love?
Dear Guru,
I am a 22-year-old guy. I am a medical student. I belong to a well-off family. We are two brothers and one sister. My father was a successful businessman but he died a few years ago because of heart attack. His sudden death brought turmoil in our lives. My domestic mother is not a working woman and couldn’t handle my father’s business. At that time, my elder brother was in his final year of engineering. He left his studies and started looking after my father’s business. In few years our business flourished to new heights and for that all the credit goes to my brother. He is 30 and still unmarried. My sister got married last year and now my mother wants my brother to settle down too. My mother wants her 20-year-old niece K to become her ‘bahu’. K is studying in college, and is in final year (B.A). My mamu has no objection to this ‘rishta’ as he knows how loving and caring my brother is. But, Guru, there is a hitch; I have been in love with my cousin since childhood. She also loves me. I had all the intentions to marry after finishing my house job. Nobody in our family knows about our secret affair. My elder brother is unaware of my feelings for K. He has left his marriage decision to my mother. And I think he also likes K as she is so beautiful. Guru, I am in a fix. I don’t have the heart to tell my brother not to marry K. He has done so much for us. I cannot be so selfish. I am mentally disturbed. I don’t know what I should do? Should I sacrifice my love?
Brother in Pain
Dear Brother in Pain,
I am really impressed by your love for your brother. No doubt he has done a lot for you guys. He did not even care about his own future and took care of the business in the greater interest of his family. In fact, when you become able to stand on your own feet, try to pay him back - not necessarily in cash but by giving him regard and respect. You should reciprocate his love in whatever way you can but it does not mean that you should compromise on your love. Keep your emotions for your brother aside and think practically. Your brother is NOT in love with K, he only likes her whereas you two have been in love since years. Your brother can easily get married to any other girl. Why do you want to make an unnecessary sacrifice? I suggest that you talk to your mother and tell her what’s in your heart. But you must talk to your brother also. Your brother is a sensible and mature guy. I am sure he will not mind it and will understand your situation. And don’t ignore the 10-year age difference between your brother and K. She loves you and she will stay happy only with you, not with your brother. Don’t feel guilty. Be bold and talk to your brother. Your brother will feel bad if he comes to know about your feelings for K, after he gets married to K. In fact, he will appreciate your honesty if you speak up now. Good luck!
I cannot stand my sister-in-law`
Salaam Guru,
I am a 21-year-old girl. I have done graduation. In our family girls get married at an early age, so I also got married about six months back. Mine is an arranged marriage and my husband is very loving and caring. I live in a joint family. My mother-in-law is also a nice person. She is old fashioned but she does not interfere in our personal life. Guru, my problem is my sister-in-law. She is 20 and is engaged and is going to be married in few months’ time. Actually, from day one she has been creating problems for me as she is plain jealous of me. She is very possessive about her brother and whenever we go out, she tries to tag along. Guru, I am so sick and tired of her. Suggest me a way out.
Annoyed Bride
Dear Annoyed Bride,
Every girl has to face some kind of problems in the initial years of her marriage. Stay calm. It will take you some time to adjust to your new life. Don’t worry about your sister-in-law. Treat her as a guest in your house as she is going to get married soon in any case. Just tolerate her for few months. Thank your stars that you have found a loving husband and caring mother in law - with whom you have to stay in the long run. Just avoid her and concentrate on your own happiness. Good luck!
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