BREAK

   From bad to worse   

An engineer, manager and programmer were driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Halfway down, the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment, narrowly avoiding it going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said, ‘To fix this problem, we need to organise a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution.’

The engineer said, ‘No, that would take too long, and besides that method has never worked before. I have my trustworthy pen knife here which will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it.’

The programmer said, ‘I think you’re both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again.’

When you’re no longer in college

• You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
• Your potted plants stay alive.
• You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
• Your friends’ hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
• You attend parties that the police don’t raid.
• You refer to college students as “those kids”.
• You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
• At 6 a.m., you’re putting your contact lenses instead of taking them out.
• Naps are no longer weekday options.
• Grocery list contains more than potato chips.

 

College girls and the mirror

Once there was a magical mirror. When you spoke the truth, it gave you things, but if you lied to it, it made you vanish forever. One day, three college girls went to see the mirror. The redhead said, ‘I think I’m the smartest one.’ She got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges of the world.

The brunette then said, ‘I think I’m the prettiest one.’ She got a Corvette, mansion, a good-looking boyfriend, and a lot of money.

Then the blonde said, ‘I think-‘ Poof! She suddenly disappeared forever.