I am a 24-year-old girl. I belong to a well off, but conservative family. In our family girls are not allowed to work, no matter how educated they are.
Between the devil and the deep blue sea
Salaam Guru,
I am a 24-year-old girl. I belong to a well off, but conservative family. In our family girls are not allowed to work, no matter how educated they are. I have earned my Masters degree but have been sitting idle since two years at home. I am not even allowed to go out unnecessarily and I have few friends. In my college and university days, I used to be the best player. I was the captain of our hockey team and people thought that I would go places but now I can’t even play hockey. So you can imagine my level of frustration. I want to do so much in life, but I am helpless because of my family’s strict rules. Now, I am only waiting to get married. These days, my parents are considering a proposal for me. The guy, H, is from a decent family; he is well settled and is good looking too. My friends think that he is very cool but there is a hitch. The guy does not seem interested in me at all. When he came to our house with the proposal, he talked to my younger brother and completely ignored me. I am very close to my younger brother and we are like friends. So after he left, I asked my younger brother what they had talked about to find out more about him, as my vibes were telling me that there was something wrong with this person. My brother did not come up with very good news. H is actually gay and he is only getting married under the pressure of his parents. My parents are very happy as H (apparently) seems a perfect guy for me. I am so worried. My parents want a yes from me. Now, I am in a fix. Actually I see this marriage as a window to an open world. I want freedom. I know gays are very open-minded and I am sure H will have no issue if I play or work or go out with friends as long as I don’t interfere in his deep activities. Guru, please tell me, am I taking the right decision?
Frustrated Girl
Dear Frustrated Girl,
First, you need to understand that marriage is one of the most important decisions of your life and you need to weigh the pros and cons before getting married. You are a mature girl. Stop thinking like juveniles. Life is not a joke. You will ruin your life if you say yes to this proposal. Right now you are feeling frustrated, as you are living a restricted life but mind you – it’s not a complicated life. Even if you get married to H, for some time you will really feel happy – you will get all the freedom in this world. But how long will you enjoy alone? Your friends will get married one by one and will get busy with their own lives. And, if you start a job, you will need to relax. Usually, couples like to spend time together. But when H is not around, you will feel lonely. And, tell me, won’t you get jealous when you see your partner with someone else? My dear, don’t rush. You still are young. H’s proposal is not the last and only option for you. Muster some courage and say no. if you don’t find guts then tell your brother to talk to your parents. I am sure after knowing the reality they will clearly reject this proposal. Don’t feel bad. I can understand your frustration but you need to be patient. Hopefully, you will get a better proposal from a normal man soon. Good luck!
Should I call her to my party?
Salam Guru,
I am going to turn 16 in two weeks. 16 is a big year in every girl’s life, so I have planned my 16th birthday bash way in advance. My dad is a rich guy so money is not a problem. I study in an elite school and all my friends are from affluent families except for one girl in our class. Her name is Rozina (not her real name). She is a Christian. She got admission on merit. My problem is that I want to invite her, too, but my parents will not like it, as she does not match our social status. I am confused.
Princesses
Dear Princesses,
In God’s eyes, everyone is equal regardless of caste and creed. You don’t need to tell your parents about her social status. Just tell them she is also a friend. And one more advice, don’t judge people by their wealth; judge them by their kindness. Your parents did not bother about inculcating good values in you, but I see a kind-hearted person in you as you want to invite Rozina. So invite your friend with an open heart and have a fabulous 16th birthday!
