Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit): As a sharecropper in Arkansas, my grandfather worked fourteen-hour days...
Xwit
Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit): As a sharecropper in Arkansas, my grandfather worked fourteen-hour days, caught twenty-pound catfish barehanded, and refused novocaine when he had dental work. On my quarter-mile walk to Starbucks this morning, I was startled by an aggressive squirrel and made a noise.
MisterD (@MisterD78UK): Them: “It’s nice to meet you.”
Me: “Give it time.”
Mo Mohler (@MoMohler): Why do we only have lifeguards around water? I could use someone keeping an eye on me around escalators.
Stacey (@StaceyB_1980): Is it just me or does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore?
Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker): My bucket list of places I’d like to go this summer:
- My bed.
- My comfy chair.
- To sleep.
Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence): I don’t bake for the love of baking, I bake because eating keeps my family quiet. Follow me for more baking tips.
Jesse Case (@jessecase): Looking at the bright side, it's actually the coolest summer of the rest of our lives.
Young Timmy is always being teased by the neighbourhood boys for being ‘stupid’. Their favourite joke is to offer him a choice between a nickel and a dime. Timmy always takes the nickel.
One day, after he does it again, a neighbour pulls him aside and says, “Timmy, those boys are making fun of you.
Don’t you know a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel is bigger in size?”
Timmy grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it … and so far I’ve made $20!”
“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” – George Carlin
