How do I explain that even though they give me everything, I’ve been stealing things I don’t even need?
I need help!
Dear Guru,
I am a 13-year-old girl who goes to school and comes from a well-off family. My parents give me the best of everything whether it’s clothes, a schoolbag, books or stationery. Every morning, our maid packs my snack box with all my favourite things. Still, I find myself wanting the things that belong to my classmates.
It all started when I ‘borrowed’ an eraser from a friend while her back was turned. I never returned it, even though I already had nicer ones. I felt guilty when I saw her looking for her eraser and gave her one of mine. After that, I began secretly taking snacks from other students’ lunch boxes. My own snacks are always way better than the ones I steal but I do it anyway. I’m really not proud of what I’m doing, but it feels like I can’t stop myself. I know it’s wrong and I try hard not to do it, but somehow I end up doing it again and again.
Once or twice I was caught, but I pretended it was an accident. Because my parents are wealthy, everyone believed me. But I know that one day, I will be caught properly and then what? I’m terrified. I can’t tell anyone because it’s too embarrassing. If my friends or teachers ever find out, I would honestly feel like dying from shame. And my parents… they would be so disappointed. How do I explain that even though they give me everything, I’ve been stealing things I don’t even need?
Please, Guru, tell me what to do. I really want to stop, but I don’t know how.
Unwilling Thief
Dear Unwilling Thief,
Thank you for writing with such honesty and courage. It takes real strength to admit when something is wrong and to ask for help, especially when it feels scary or shameful. I want you to know that what you’re going through doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a thoughtful, sensitive young person who is confused by something you don’t yet fully understand, and that’s perfectly okay.
You’ve described something that goes beyond simply wanting what others have. Taking things you don’t need, even when you try to stop but can’t, could be a sign of something known as kleptomania. It’s a condition where people feel a strong urge to steal things, not because they need them, but because they feel a sort of tension or pressure that’s only relieved by taking the item. Afterwards, they usually feel guilt or shame - just like you’re feeling now. It’s not about being greedy or ungrateful; it’s about a struggle with self-control that needs understanding and support, not punishment.
The good news is that kleptomania can be treated, and you’re not alone. You’ve already taken the most important first step: you’ve recognised that something’s wrong and want to stop. That’s incredibly brave. The next step might be to talk to a trusted adult, perhaps a school counsellor, or if you feel ready, your parents. You might start by saying something like, “I’ve been doing something I don’t understand, and I think I need help.” You can even mention that you read about kleptomania and wonder if that’s what you’re going through.
If you approach your parents calmly and honestly, you might be surprised by how supportive they are. Most parents feel proud when their child is brave enough to speak up and ask for help. This isn’t a matter of being ‘bad’ or ‘ungrateful’ - it’s about understanding yourself and getting the right kind of support to feel better and be your best self again.
You are already on the right path. Keep going, and don’t be afraid to reach out. There is help, there is hope and you have your family to support you through this.
Good luck
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