Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning and I’m still alive....
Xwit
Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning and I’m still alive.
Meghan (@deloisivete): Me: I have to think of something to make for dinner tonight again so I totally get it.
Sisyphus: Wow ok.
Case (@Cactuscali1991): Curly fries are my favourite as they're salty and spiralling, like me.
Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom): Probably the worst part about getting a degree in something is that people will assume you’re good at it.
Greg (@greg16676935420): I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.
Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): I think by 2028, I’ll finally stop thinking 2019 was last year.
Erin Chack (@ErinChack): “I just had a feeling this would happen” – it’s called anxiety, babe. You’re not psychic.
McDad (@mcdadstuff): I see a lot of people out walking or working out in a weighted vest. Is the weight of the world not enough for you?
As a woman was leaving the bank, she searched her purse for her car keys but couldn’t find them. Realizing she had forgotten the keys inside, she went back in and asked everyone, but no one had seen the keys.
She searched her purse again and exclaimed, “Oh no! I must have left the keys in the car!”
She ran to the parking lot in a panic … only to find that the car wasn’t there!
She called the police, reported the car stolen, gave them the license plate number, and admitted the keys were left inside.
Trying to calm down, she nervously called her husband. Stammering, she told him the car had been stolen.
He thundered back, “I dropped you at the bank, you didn’t take the car!”
She sighed in relief and asked him to come pick her up.
Her husband replied, “Sure I’ll come … just as soon as I convince the police I didn’t steal your car!
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go and live with a car battery.” – Emma Bombeck
