Tony P. (@Tbone7219): If you don’t own a dog whistle, you can always use two teenage girls who haven’t seen each other in forever....
ScottW (@jswtreeman): Her: You’re acting really weird.
Me: I’m not acting.
Hollie Harris (@allholls): My spirit animal must be a rooster, because I've taken to waking up and wanting to scream my head off every morning.
Aura (@auraonx): Stages of plant
ownership:
1. I’m going to take such good care of you.
2. Oh no.
Tony P. (@Tbone7219): If you don’t own a dog whistle, you can always use two teenage girls who haven’t seen each other in forever.
Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker): It’s just me and what little bit is left of this box of Caramel Delights against the world.
Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): Oh, you like me? Challenge accepted.
Doth (@DothTheDoth): Therapy is expensive but walking slowly into the ocean and never being seen again is free.
After packing their suitcases in a rush, a husband and wife make it to the airport just in time for their flight.
As they queue up to check in for the flight, the wife says, “I wish I’d brought the refrigerator.”
“Whatever for?” asks her husband.
“Well, our tickets are on top of it.”
———
A businessman calls a travel agency and asks about the documents he needs in order to fly to London.
After a detailed discussion about passports, the travel agent reminds him that he also needs a visa. “Oh no I don’t,” the man replies. “I’ve been to London many times and never had to have one of those.”
The agent double checks, confirms, and tells him again that his stay requires a visa. “Look,” the businessman says exasperated, “I’ve been to London three times and every time they have accepted my Mastercard.”
“Bad decisions make good stories.” – Ayn Rand
