Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau): It made me sad to learn plastic straws kill hundreds of sea turtles each year. I thought there had to be a better way. So I made one....
* Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau): It made me sad to learn plastic straws kill hundreds of sea turtles each year. I thought there had to be a better way. So I made one.
Hi, I’m Andrew Nadeau, inventor of the Turt-Slaughterer 5000.
* Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42): I typed my symptoms into WebMD and they sent flowers to my house.
* Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl): I don’t wanna rise and shine, I wanna lay down and matte.
* Bill Maher (@billmaher): [Joe] Biden and [Donald] Trump had duelling photo ops at the border. A Scarecrow and a Jack-O’-Lantern. If that doesn’t scare them off, nothing will.
* Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle): Who could have imagined heading into an election that Trump might win on grounds of mental competency.
Laugh lines
The good deed
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, “That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $100 bill in it. Now there are 100 $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.”
– Megan Mullally
