What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.
What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
What kind of room has no doors or windows?
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
Jerry, a college freshman, was sitting in his English class. His teacher noticed that he wasn’t paying attention, so asked to see him after class. Jerry went up to the teacher’s desk, and waited as the teacher was talking to an attractive freshman girl. When he was done, he said, “Jerry, why weren’t you paying attention in my class?”
“I was staring at the beautiful girl you were just talking to. And, you’re old enough to be her father!” said Jerry.
“This talk is over!” said the teacher. Jerry starts to walk out when the teacher says, “And, by the way, Jerry, next time in class, don’t stare at my daughter.”
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead went to a circus. An old gypsy woman tells them that in her tent, there is a magic mirror. If they tell the truth in front of it, they get the one thing they desire the most. But if they lie in front of it, they will disappear and can never come back. So, the redhead goes into the tent and stands in front of the mirror. “I think that I am the most beautiful person in this circus.” And the redhead walks out with a diamond ring. Then the brunette goes into the tent and says to the mirror, “I think I am the smartest person in this circus.” And she gets a million dollars. Then the blonde goes into the tent and says to the mirror, “I think...” POOF! She disappears.