Narcissism is extreme love with own self. It manifests own-self in many formats. For this piece I would dwell on narcissism with focus on how it emerges in everyday conversation particularly at the work place. As a straight forward view, conversational narcissism begins immediately when you abandon and do not practice active listening.
MANAGEMENT
Narcissism is extreme love with own self. It manifests own-self in many formats. For this piece I would dwell on narcissism with focus on how it emerges in everyday conversation particularly at the work place. As a straight forward view, conversational narcissism begins immediately when you abandon and do not practice active listening.
Narcissism is about the person who demands to make every day conversation about them and their interest while stealing the centre stage and spot light from someone else. And loads of people do this at work place. We are all accustomed to hear words, ‘O, I have been there, done that….and you know what I did?’ All familiar corporate lingua stuff. Since narcissists are also self obsessed, many do so without realising that they are hi-jacking someone else’s conversation and turning the attention on themselves. What self flattering feeling is it to know that we prefer ourselves to others? And in doing so there is also no experience of facing any rivalry.
Narcissism is the mistaken belief of being good and powerful. It actually gives rise to feelings of being beastly, with demonic reactions. At workplace or generally in any situation, it is difficult to match and love a person who love(s) themselves to newer heights each day of their life; another matter that is tragic and sad to carry such burden all the time.
A Greek mythology character, Narcissus, saw his reflection in a pool of water and fell in love with it…… and that is whence emerged the narcissist personality and its relative disorder. I am reminded of an interview I read of a present day, ‘sensation’ who has made a mark on the small and big screen, across the border too; where this individual said, when I wake up and look at myself in the mirror, I ask, who is this beautiful person? Once I finished reading the interview I was gripped with this premonition that the personal life of this individual will end up in a disaster. It did. Narcissists are rarely humble about anything; they are mostly very arrogant. The obsession with own self is so domineering that the reaction to disagreement or criticism is met with anger and shame.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. (Oscar Wilde). Smaller the mind, greater the conceit. What is the first business of philosophy? To part with conceit. For it is impossible for anyone to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows, (Thomas Higginson). A narcissist dotes upon himself without shame, he is so popular with his self that he is never alone or bored. It is a common ailment at offices where a person is waiting for his turn to speak or listening to say their side of the story- as a sample, when a person says I am so busy today and the respondent says, ‘same here I have had a crazy day’. Narcissist bosses talk, they don’t listen. It is said amongst the wise, listen to even those who talk badly you may still profit. “Don’t listen with ears listen with mind. No don’t listen with mind but listen with Qi…this Qi is emptiness which is receptive to all things,” (Zhuang Ji).
To avoid an overused sore throat or even worse be afflicted with laryngitis avoid consistent teasing of your vocal chords, let them have adequate rest most of the day!
A compulsive narcissistic colleague will always make everything about him/herself- if one was bereaving the loss of a loved one and someone tries to narrate their own loved one’s loss at that point an immediate tilt of conversation would go in the other’s favour. Here the narrator has lost airtime to the narcissist boss or colleague. At an organisation I worked in the middle part of my career, I was daily tortured to being sandwiched between two senior colleagues. I reported to neither of them, yet I had to endure their narration of life experiences; just as one of them would complete an episode the other was armed and ready with an almost similar narrative but that which had to be better than the previously heard…this unceasing competition could easily walk away with good number of productive hours! I survived.
An appetite of insatiable nature that seeks attention is a hallmark of a narcissist manager and that too this demand on others is constant. Added to this miserable trait is that such colleagues are always filled with feelings of envy and jealousy; they demand special care, attention, treatment and they possess a special ability to go on an overdrive of imagination when it comes to extolling their virtues, traits and achievements.
In the west, such behaviour is classified as a medical condition, referred to as NPD disease that is narcissist personality disorder. NPD in the ‘Medical News Today’ is defined as, …”is a disorder where an individual has distorted self image, unstable and intense emotions, is overly pre-occupied with vanity, power and personal adequacy, lack of empathy and has an exaggerated sense of superiority.”
Most Pakistani managers, supervisors or even the janitor are major carriers of the germs of NPD syndrome; so if you find them in abundance at the work place that should not come as a surprise. “Our own self love draws a thick veil between us and our faults,” (Lord Chesterfield).
Regardless whether he is a peer or boss, the narcissist co-worker will demand unalloyed obedience because he lives within the comb of thought that he is entitled to receive adulation and special attention. Anything less he rushes to either punish or humiliate. NPD suffering bosses are marginally successful in the short term and in the long term they damage irreparably both themselves and the organisation.
A narcissist will do anything to look good; will take credit for your work, run you down in the presence of other colleagues; is quick to blame, undermines your work, will surreptitiously run a smear campaign with innocence laced around it and is invariably almost always jealous and envious of the success of others. Human resources division in organisations should devise tests to discover NPD syndrome in the organisation, particularly for those who are likely to be considered for rising up to the senior most level of hierarchy.
Only once in my career, a colleague referred to me as being a terminal patient of NPD. I reacted. But also realised the colleague was being truthful, and that it was said with good intent or not to run me down, I still doubt… maybe that colleague was a case of NPD! See, there is for you this scribe, with terminal NPD germs!
The writer is a freelance columnist
