The art of silence

The yearning to speak is but being human. It is extremely difficult to pretend, even for the shortest time, being a Robinson Crusoe on a deserted island. The urge to interact is a divinely blessed characteristic of the human kind. The exceptions are those humans , who are recognised as saints, sages, and the wiseacre, who by deliberate design, intent and regular practice gain mastery over the impelling urge to speak.

In the day to day conversations, each of us are guilty of speaking more than is required. In meetings or otherwise too,the tendency is to stray and digress from the subject or issue at hand. Even if the discussion is pointedly focussed, many would attempt to add their two cents, however irrelevant they may be, to the facts of the case , and cause the derailment of the purpose of the meeting.

The figment of imagination , that is divorced from reality, is spoken, under the guise of, one should speak, one's mind. That's a positive objective, only when there is recognition by the speakers that they must speak their mind, but not everything that comes to their minds. Indiscretions in speech are a womb that could deliver painful results in the future. We see that everyday out on telly screens. Said, some wise person, "He is good as his word -- and his word is no good".

It is my belief, developed as a consequence of observation, that local traditions and cultural standards/value and influence significantly determine the quality of response to any given situation. In the Orient, the preferred choice of any individual is to remain silent. Silence in Japan, Korea and China is not considered as a sign of any weakness. Instead, the society adheres to the dictum that, open your mouth and prove your stupidity and foolishness -- because until the silence is broken, all consider you, to be a person blessed with wisdom. It follows hence, that wisdom demands that we listen more and speak less. Politicians, especially those endowed with skills of demagoguery, resort to unrelenting speech -- in our local scenario, we are all witness to political leaders, who in a state of frenzy, utter the unthinkable, the unbelievable, the inconceivable and the unimaginable; later they admit, with little or no remorse, that the words said were 'a bit too much'; the regret, if any is rendered in Urdu, "Josh-e-khitabat'...frenzy in speech!

Not everything that is said requires a response. While playing cricket, any ball outside the off stump, doesn't need to be dispatched to the ropes, is a training we received at school...it should be well left! The ability to ignore and let the moment pass is not our forte as a society. Our norms, leave aside the religious demands, are in a continuous state of decline. Our responses are mostly dipped in negativity and remain in the realm of indecency. We do not value that a still tongue makes a wise head.

In Europe and particularly across the Atlantic, where genes are traced, mostly to criminals who were banished from the British Empire, silence is not a virtuous option; it is seen as a sign of weakness. There is hence a lot of "noise" in their conversations; exceptions are indeed there, but these are far and few. The business world is not second to the political class, when it comes to offering comments, counsel and advice, infact, they exceed the politicians on many counts.

During corporate meetings, there is at least one Sir John Falstaff, who keeps the board entertained, by continuously sticking the foot in the mouth. Such will make the meeting look like a political theatre. They would say, what should remain unsaid. They would say in contrast to the context of the meeting, and by a random statement they derail the proceedings. The beauty of such individuals is that once done, they remain guiltless and devoid of regrets. In one such board meeting, I admired the permanent joker in the pack, who in between a very serious discussion of an agenda item, blurted by addressing the chairperson, "your necktie is lovely ... it suits you". The Chairperson, a man of known modesty was at sixes and sevens on how to react to this impromptu public praise of his necktie -- he chose wisely, the gentlemanly route; gave a faint smile and continued as if no interruption had occurred -- but the rest of the attendees had their eyes popping out, caused by the exertion they were putting upon themselves not to laugh out loud!

Our culture demands that we must say something on every subject from nuclear physics to economics, even though we may not have an iota of understanding of the subject. A society we are verbal braggers.

Communication in the west relies heavily on the spoken word; it is speech that conveys and signals power; while discretion to remain silent, indicates toothlessness or a spine that bends only in the forward direction.

Whilst living in Beijing, I learnt that Chinese cultural nuances recognise the power of non- verbal communication. In business and official conversations, I found them using non-assertive sentences/language; the discussions usually would be in the arena of ambiguity; especially when they would need to say,"no''. Disagreements in Far Eastern culture are not pronounced by loud verbal declaration; in fact it is deliberately avoided. The option to adopt a detailed narrative is set aside and what prevails is short, to the point response. I believe this is again done with intent to keep the door ajar for future engagement.

The inner sentiments are masked. The facial features exhibit no change of mood or reaction. People in the East remain mostly placid,in business meetings. Since they are well guarded in speech, little is said; and that which is said, is mostly written on a block of ice -- the negative content is allowed to melt away, through silence.

Silence makes no mistakes; speech does. Is silence, therefore representative of 'consent'? Mistakenly there are several managers who translate silence of colleagues and teammates to mean 'agreement'. Nay, that is a perilous approach. Silence is not an indicator of consent; for it to be so, it must be expressed in writing or verbally. No manager or leader should lose sight of the proverb, 'barking dogs seldom bite', but even more significantly, keep in focus and often bring to remembrance ,'dumb dogs are dangerous'. A team that comprises members who know the value of, the time to speak and time to be silent; or, those who can discern to speak fitly, or be silent wisely, will usually have more cohesive forces at work, that ultimately lends impetus to enhanced productivity.

Gossip, whether in government, business or social circles is mostly juicy. Corporate gossip is not disseminated by silence. Everyone loves to hear gossip, because mostly it preys on our sense of self importance. Those engaged in gossip remain unaware of its lethal power, both of destructive and constructive nature; gossip can motivate or demotivate. In between these two extremes, is the harmless, said and unsaid gossip. The good thing about egoistic managers who gossip endlessly is that they speak more about themselves than others.

The act of beginning a speech and then refusing to finish it, is the dilemma of those individuals, who love to hear their voice -- their throats and vocal chords convert into amplifiers. We must choose not to repay for unsolicited advice or counsel. In our local context, when in conversation over a telephone, if the person on the other side remarks,"aur sunayo", that's the time to hang up ... because the purpose of the call is achieved, now the conversation will turn to gossip. Conversations can only happen, if one of the two has the ability to remain silent; in the absence of this faculty/ability, it is a riot.

Speech is silver, but silence is gold.

– The Writer is a senior banker and a freelance columnist