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Dear Nadine Khan,

I am a 55-year-old recently widowed woman. I have three children, who are all married and abroad. I work in a private school and earn quite well. I have the usual problem most women face - my 92-year-old mother-in-law. My late husband was the youngest among his two brothers and three sisters. His brothers’ wives and my mother-in-law did not get along, so after my marriage she decided to stay with me. She was one dominating character and made my life tough. She did not help me with my children, although I was a working mom. Every time I had a problem with one of my kids, she went to spend a week with one of her other children. What I mean to say is that she was no help to me at all when I really needed her. I had to take days off from work, which was a problem at times. Till she could, which was about five years back, she gave me a very hard time. Then she had a stroke and recovered, but became weak. Since then, she has not done any mischief to me. The thing is now my husband is no more, and my children are not with me and my in-laws expect me to continue living with her. My brothers-in-law have stayed quiet about what should be done with their mother now, although six months have gone by. I don’t want to remain burdened with her; I have no regard for her at all. I want her gone without creating bad blood. How can I do it?

Dear Fed-up Widow,

This problem cannot be resolved totally amicably, because your in-laws are probably expecting you to continue with the same arrangement. Since they have stayed quiet about the issue, you will have to ask them to make arrangements for their mother. You can tell them that since you live alone as your children are abroad, and you are a working woman, you cannot look after your mother-in-law anymore. Tell them that unsupervised servants or companions are not a good option, either. Besides, it’s only right that your mother-in-law’s children now assume her responsibility. So, call your brothers-in-law, and give them a time frame to make arrangements for their mother. Involve your sisters-in-law also, and discuss the problem with them so they can also exert some pressure on their brothers. I hope things work out without turning ugly. Good luck!

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You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com
Note: If you feel you need someone to talk to when you are alone, to share a problem with, or just to get something that has upset or disturbed you off your chest, share it with us. Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor)  I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.