By You Desk
Tue, 06, 22

She started buying expensive branded clothes and giving them to the maids without even wearing them once...


Dear Nadine,

I am a 30-year-old married man. My wife left me with our three-year-old son, without informing me. When I returned from work, she wasn’t home. She told my mother she was going for a walk, and had no luggage with her. When I went to my room, I saw her cell phone on the nightstand. I realized she had left my home because the cell did not have the sim card. My marriage was arranged, and a mismatch. My in-laws were totally different from my family. I am from upper middle class, but she belonged to the elite class, so my family was surprised when the matchmaker told us that her family had seen my picture and was happy with my bio. My father was a little sceptical because of the disparity between our families, but my mother was excited and pointed out that the girl’s family had seen my qualification and were impressed by my job.

Right from day one, it was evident that my wife was not happy. She kept herself aloof from my parents and younger sister. When she started expecting our son, her attitude became downright insulting to my family. She constantly complained to her parents that she had to do so much household work that she was always tired. Her parents called my parents and told them to either give her rest or to send her to them. My mother explained to them that we had three servants, two of them full-time, so no one had to do any work, but they did not believe her. Anyhow, Allah blessed me with a baby boy, but after his birth my wife became very aggressive. She would fight with me and my family over petty issues. She started buying expensive branded clothes and giving them to the maids without even wearing them once.

After some time, things started to go missing. No matter how much grocery or food items I bought, they were always not enough. She became so forgetful that she would leave our son in the baby bath tub and talk on cell. Twice, my maid saw the baby in the tub while my wife was on the balcony talking on the cell. She crossed all limits when she accused my mom and my sister of poisoning my baby. She accused me of misbehaviour and gossiped about our family in gatherings. Each passing day was a nightmare. I spoke to her father but he refused to believe me. Our marriage was almost done when I gave her one divorce for saying that my mother was trying to murder my son, but she came back before three months were up. However, her behaviour was very odd. She ate very less and became weak. She took out all the jewellery from lockers. She continued to fight with all of us over imagined insults. We tried everything to resolve her problems. I tried to talk to her softly, nicely, rudely i.e. tried every trick in the book but in vain.

It was in these circumstances that she left home. Her father called and said that I had beaten her, and I received notice of divorce from her the very next day. I think there is some problem with her, because after she left, I discovered a lot of missing food stuff like milk packs, biscuits, cooking oil pouches, etc. I am not sure what I should do. She has my son and her mental condition does not seem stable to me. Why would she store food items in the cupboard? For my son’s sake, I don’t want to divorce. I love my son very much and miss him a lot. And, if we are divorced, I want custody of my son. Please help me decide what I should do.

Distraught Father

Dear Distraught Father,

Your wife has some sort of behavioural disorder and needs professional help. It’s very possible that your in-laws were aware that she had issues. Like a big majority of our people, they must have thought that marriage would fix her. They are from the elite class according to you, so it’s possible that they didn’t want anyone in their class to know that their daughter had mental health issues.

You can contest the divorce, but will probably lose. And, unless you can prove that she is not sound of mind, you will not get custody of your son, either. You can talk to her parents and ask them to think again, but there are very slim chances that they would heed you at all. Try to get a very good lawyer, and see that you get visitation rights, etc. Your maid’s testimony could help your case, but it is possible that a good lawyer would get it discredited. Also, if you want, you can ask the court to ascertain whether she is mentally competent enough to take care of a child or not by court appointed professionals. Good luck!

Dear Professor,

I am a 19-year-old girl, doing BS. I belong to a conservative family, and am the first girl allowed to study in a co-ed environment. My problem is that my mother wants me to marry her nephew, who is her brother’s son. He is divorced 31-year-old, but has no children. He did not even complete his intermediate and works in my uncle’s office. My mother says that he will inherit the business as he is the only son and I will be very happy. I don’t think I will be happy with him because he is my cousin, and I know his nature and temperament. My mother loves my uncle very much and says that if I refuse, she will lose her brother. My father has not said anything to me as yet, but I have a feeling that if I tell him I am not in favour of this proposal, he will side with me. My reason for this is that my paternal aunt also wants me to marry her son, but since he is in his final year of medicine she doesn’t want to distract him at present. But, I am afraid to do so because I don’t want to make my mother angry with me. I am so frightened that I would be forced to marry against my will. What should I do?

Frightened Girl

Dear Frightened Girl,

Your mother is being emotionally manipulated by her brother, and that is why she is not thinking straight at the moment. If her brother severs connection with her because you don’t want marry his son, it means he doesn’t really loves her. Try to explain that to her. If this fails, talk to your father in confidence and tell him that you don’t like your cousin and to reject this proposal. Your father can simply say that he wants you to complete your studies first, and will think about your marriage after that. In this way, your mother will not be angry with you, and your uncle will not be able to force your father as well. Your aunt’s son seems to be a very good prospect, and once your mother is recovered from the fear of displeasing her brother, she will also be happy with the proposal. Best of luck!