Letters

Dear Professor,

I got married five years ago, and have two children. I live in Muscat with my husband, and my in-laws are in Pakistan. My parents-in-law demand money from my husband every other month. My husband says that one month he sends money and the other month his older brother. He told me that they started doing it after their father’s retirement. Now my sister-in-law is getting married in few months and my husband wants to send a big amount. I know my father-in-law doesn’t need money as my mother-in-law will give her jewellery to my sister-in-law, but my husband doesn’t understand this. He got a promotion and increment, and increased the amount of money that he sends to his parents immediately! Professor, they don’t need that much, as they are retired. We have to save for our children, but my parents-in-law don’t tell my hubby to stop sending money. How can I make him understand that we have to save for our children? I really do not know how to handle it. I would really appreciate if you could please advise me something. I will be waiting for your reply.

Apprehensive Mom

Dear Apprehensive Mom,

Your husband is only taking care of his parents; he is just doing his duty, my dear. You feel bad because you dislike the contributions your husband has made to his parents. He and his brother have devised a good system of helping their parents, by sending money every other month. In this way, the burden is not just on one person, if you can call helping one’s parents a burden. Isn’t it the duty of children to look after their parents when they are old? Have you given it a thought that it was your father-n-law’s money that went towards educating your husband? Had your parents-in-law been greedy, they would have demanded money from your husband every month. It seems that they are understanding people who do not want to burden their children. Don’t forget their investment in your husband. If all wives start thinking this way, poor parents will be left destitute in their old age as most people from lower middle and middle classes spend all their money on the education of their children. Don’t be a miser and don’t stop your husband from paying his dues. I am sure your husband will take care of his children and save money for their education. If he increased his parents’ allowance, he probably did it because he knows he can do and look after his family as well. Besides, God will help him as he is trying to look after his parents in their old age. You don’t have anything to worry about and if you bother your husband by telling him not to send money, it will create a rift between you and him and mar your relationship. Your husband will think you are mean and selfish. So let things continue and pray to God to increase your husband’s income. Good luck!