Letters

Dear Professor,

I am a 29-year-old married woman. I have been married for about two years, and as yet I have no children. My husband lives in UAE and I live in Pakistan, with my mother, as my in-laws are very good people and want me to be comfortable in my husband’s absence. I visit them on weekends and other holidays, as I work in a reputed organisation. I earn well and my only problem is that I am not with my husband. The issue is that my family wants me to leave the job, move to UAE and start my life with my husband. In our society when a girl is married, she looks good with her husband; otherwise, people criticise.

My husband says I can join him whenever I wish, and he will manage the cost of living and all other things. I am planning to go to him in December, but the current situation in UAE is not very good, and I don’t want to be a burden on him.

We have applied for immigration as well and by next year we will get it. I think it would be better if I go directly to Europe, rather than leaving my job and going to UAE. My parents, however, want me to go permanently.

I am so confused. I want to be with my husband, too. I want to start my life with him, but don’t know what is best for me right now. Any suggestions?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You want to move to UAE, and start your life with your husband, so I don’t see a problem. Your husband has asked you to come and doesn’t seem to have any financial issues, or he would have asked you to wait. Why do you think you will be a burden to him? You are his responsibility as you are his wife. The only problem here seems to be the situation in UAE. If you are afraid your husband might lose his job, you can ask for unpaid long leave, and go to UAE. Spend some time and gauge the situation. If you feel things are not satisfactory, you can return. If you cannot get leave, you can quit, and since you are qualified, if you need you can get a job again. However, if you want to go to Europe directly from Pakistan instead of going to UAE, you have the option to move with your in-laws. If you do that, no one will be able to talk behind your back. However, what people say is the least of your problems. They don’t have any right to interfere or criticise. What is more important is that you discuss everything with your husband and come to a decision. Maybe the problems you feel so big are not serious, and you will feel differently after talking to your husband. Good luck!