You

Letters

You
By you desk
Tue, 02, 20

A woman can live without getting married, but after her parents are gone, things become very uncomfortable...

Hey Professor,

I am a 33-year-old working girl, getting a good salary, working in a great company and enjoying my life. The problem is that my parents want me to get married, but I don’t think I am ready to subjugate my will to another man’s! Why should I marry some guy when I can earn money and am not a burden on my family? I have seen men around and I am not impressed with the way they treat their wives. Just because they are the bread earners, it doesn’t mean they should dictate every aspect of their wives’ life. My sister cannot even choose a dress on her own; her husband tells her what to buy and it doesn’t matter to him whether she likes it or not. My sister is a meek person but I have opinion about things and my independence matters to me. A cousin of mine has a husband who is so stingy, he keeps her hand to mouth. She never has any money to spend the way she wants although she is a working woman and gets a good salary. I feel conflicted because on some level, I know it’s important to get married and have a family, but I don’t want to be a doormat like women in my family. What do you think I should do? Do you think a woman can live without getting married? I have my own view about it, but your perspective may help me make up my mind.

DH

Dear DH,

Getting married is a natural thing and forsaking nature is never right. Of course, some girls don’t get married, but more often than not, it’s because they don’t get suitable proposals. So if you have the proposal of a decent guy, consider it.

We live in a male dominated society and you are right; there are many men who like control over the purse strings. It’s unfortunate that there are men like your cousin’s husband who don’t let their wives spend their own income but, my dear, all men are not like that. Things have changed - and for the better - a lot in the past decade. Women have their own accounts, they pay taxes and spend their money the way they want. Of course, they supplement the family income and there is nothing wrong with that. Husband and wife are partners and sharing one’s partner’s burden is not wrong at all. It depends on circumstances, too. May be your husband wouldn’t even need your money at all. So don’t judge all men just because you have some narrow-minded examples in your family.

You can always discuss these matters with the guy before accepting his proposal. You are used to having financial independence and there is no harm asking the prospective guy what his opinion is. Once you are married, you can use your discernment and do the needful.

A woman can live without getting married, but after her parents are gone, things become very uncomfortable. Till you have your health and a job, you can survive on your own, but loneliness will be your constant companion. You can go out, meet friends and relatives but at the end of the day, you will be alone. That’s not a situation one would like for one’s self if one has the choice. Good luck!