Letters

Dear Nadine,

I am a 32-year-old guy, at a good position in a private company. Sometime back, my favourite cousin became fatally ill. I was very attached to him and he just had a son (now 5) and two daughters, 11, and 15. I used to take care of his household work as his children were - and are still, so young. During the two years of his illness, I did all in my power to help the family. Despite our efforts and prayers, he passed away.

After his death, I consoled them and claimed the financial rights and benefits of the deceased from his office, and I succeeded in all these tasks. Now the family is financially stable.

My real problem started after my cousin’s death, his eldest daughter, J, (17), somehow fell in love with me. I love all my cousin’s children like my own nieces or nephew. But, I am already in love with Z, who is my colleague. I love her and I can’t live without her. It was because of my cousin’s illness that I had not sent my proposal for her. Now J told her mother that she loves me and bhabi spoke to my parents about our marriage. My parents agreed because they feel bhabi needs someone to protect her family, and they think since I was attached to my cousin I should marry his daughter and look after the family. I refused to accept this proposal and as a result they are totally disconnected from me. I deeply miss them. I know the children are also missing me, but bhabi told me not to call any of them again. I want to get married to Z, but how can I send my proposal in this situation? What should I do now? Bhabi is not ready to listen to me. Please guide me.

Misunderstood Libra

Dear Misunderstood Libra,

You bhabi is emotionally unstable at present and probably is afraid that she would lose your support after your marriage to someone else. As for J, she is too young to know her own heart or mind. J became used to seeing you around and being there for the family and became attached to you, and even started depending on you. Since she is very young, there is this possibility that instead of loving you like an uncle she thinks she is ‘in love’ with you. Her mother, of course, should realise that the difference of 15 years is formidable, and would not work out for both of you, even if Z were not in the picture already. The family must have held you in great esteem because of the invaluable help you rendered them before and after the death of your cousin. You need to make them understand that even after getting married, you will continue to support and protect them. You have done your bit for your cousin and your conscience must be clear on that count. If his widow doesn’t want to maintain contact with you, bow out gracefully. After some time, hopefully they will realise their mistake and start seeing you again. As for you, send your proposal for Z and get married. You deserve happiness and should not hold back because your bhabi has become estranged with you. Good luck!