I am a 20-year-old girl. When I was in Class IX, I had a friend, W. We were very good friends and liked hanging out together. Then my father got transferred and we moved to a new city. In the beginning, I tried to maintain contact with W, but after a couple of months W stopped answering my messages and we just drifted away from each other. We did sort of connect on Facebook a couple of years back, but since we are in different cities, we could not get together. Few months back, at a party I met a guy, N, through an ex class fellow from my old school. I liked N and found it easy to talk to him. We exchanged numbers and very soon we became friends. After three months, N told me he had developed feelings for me and wanted to marry me. I like him a lot but I am not in love with him. I decided to tell him about W as I did not want any secret to harm any future relationship I might have with him. Professor, I was 15 then and my relationship with W wasn’t inappropriate in any sense. However, N thinks I am flighty and has become very possessive and jealous. He is suspicious of my friends and tells me who to meet and who to shun. I don’t know how to handle this. He is suspicious of every boy in my class and does not trust me at all. I have to work on projects with boys too, and he creates a big fuss. My friends think it’s his love that has made him so possessive, but this situation has complicated my life a lot and I am stressed out all the time. I have not even made a commitment, and he is already so controlling! What should I do?
Dear Upset Girl,
Your first mistake was to tell N about W, because there really was nothing to tell. You and W were just good friends, and a guy who can be jealous of an ex friend of yours is not good husband material. My dear, trust is prerequisite for a marriage to work. N has shown his suspicious nature and you are lucky he has done it now. N has no right to tell you who to meet and who to shun. It’s not love; it’s just possessiveness and jealousy coupled with a lack of trust. How will you spend your whole life trying to prove to your husband you are not cheating on him? Without trust and respect, no marriage can work. It is best if you tell N that you don’t want the friendship to continue as you are not in love with him. You have not made any commitment and as such owe him nothing. Tell him that you consider him a good friend and nothing beyond that. If he tries to pressurise you, stop talking to him and block his number. Good luck!
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