Letters

Dear Nadine,

I am a 45-year-old woman. I have three children two daughters and a son. My husband is a civil engineer and the only son of my parents-in-law. My husband supports the family as my father-in-law is retired. We live with them and and my husband’s eldest sister who is a divorcee. Because of her personal bad experience with her husband, she has become very bitter and is very difficult to live with. My sister-in-law is an interfering woman. She is very stubborn, and is jealous of me. She dislikes my children, and especially hates my daughters.

My eldest daughter is 23 years of age and goes to university. Recently, she got a very good proposal, but my sister-in-law somehow managed to convince my parents-in-law that the guy was not a good person. She does not want my daughters to get married and she hates it that my husband loves me. I have been putting up with her attitude but now the question is of my daughter’s happiness and I want no interference from my sister-in-law.

Unfortunately, my husband is under the influence of his mother and cannot say no to her. And my mother-in-law cannot say no to her daughter. My husband thinks I am overreacting and his sister genuinely thought that that guy was not a good prospect.

A friend of mine is interested in my daughter for her nephew. She wants to bring his proposal but I am afraid that my sister-in-law will be up to her tricks and somehow sabotage this proposal too. How can I convince my husband and my parents-in-law not to listen to my sister-in-law and judge the boy on merit? I think this proposal is very good. The boy is highly educated and works at a good position in a multinational at a very good salary; his family is educated and small and apparently there is nothing wrong with this proposal. But I know my sister-in-law will find some fault or the other because she wants my daughter to die an old maid.

I asked my husband not to tell his family about this proposal but he refused. He said that since we all live in the same house it cannot be done. I am extremely worried and tensed. What should I do?

Worried Mother

Dear Worried Mother,

First of all, calm down and think about the entire thing without letting your feelings for your sister-in-law influence your good sense. It is quite possible that your sister-in-law genuinely thought that the proposal was not good. She must have had some logical reasons to support her opinion or she wouldn’t have been able to convince your husband and his parents. So give your sister-in-law the benefit of doubt but otherwise take precautions to ensure that if the proposal is good it is not turned down. Ask your husband to make inquiries about the boy and his family beforehand so he can speak up if your sister-in-law acts out of spite. Also, discuss the proposal with your father-in-law to get his support.

And, don’t forget that your sister-in-law may be jealous of your daughter, but your husband will look out for his daughter, and see to her welfare. Good luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan at

nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi.