Letters

Dear Nadine,

I am a 32- year-old banker, in love with an ex-colleague, D. I met her when she joined the bank and it was nothing like love at first sight. We were friendly with each other and had a good working relationship. I am a very practical person and didn’t believe in love and romance, so it was with surprise that I noticed I did not like it when guys discussed her in her absence. And, when I saw her talking to other colleagues, I was definitely jealous. Like a teen, I started keeping an eye on her movements, and discovered that after work she sometimes went home with a guy. This shattered me, as the guy didn’t look like her sibling at all. I realised she was with someone, and tried my best to stop thinking about her, but didn’t quite succeed.

Then she got transferred to another branch of the bank and I did not have to see her daily and feel miserable. I tried to forget her, and when my mother asked me to settle down, I left the decision to her. Few weeks back, I found out from a colleague that D’s engagement was broken and she was very upset. To complicate matters, the matrimonial service my mother contacted sent pictures of three beautiful girls, and my mother told me to select one. I had already given her the carte blanche to choose my wife for me and telling her I have someone in mind will not be easy. Besides, I don’t think time is right to talk to D as she is still hurting. I am afraid she will reject me, and am very much tensed due to this situation. I know she was engaged and probably had feelings for her fiance, but I still want to marry her, because I love her too much. I think as a mature person I can deal with her feelings and am sure in time she will come to even love me; she is the only girl I want to marry. I am worried because my mother is sort of conservative and a broken engagement would not go down well with her. Please help me out. What should I do? Should I go and propose to her first and see where I stand with her, or should I ask my mother to give my proposal to her parents?

Disturbed Lover

Dear Disturbed Lover,

You seem to be a mature, sensible and broad-minded person and if D agrees to marry you, I am sure you will have a good married life. You are right about approaching D right at this time, because breaking up of any relationship is painful, and D is probably upset right now. Ideally, it would have been better to give her some time to get over that guy, but you don’t have the luxury to wait. Your mother is expecting you to choose a girl from among the three choices she has given you, and you have to give her a solid excuse to refuse. In this situation, the first thing that you should consider doing is to come clean with your mother. It will be difficult for you to convince your mother because she wants you to select one of the girls she has chosen for you, but if you really are so serious about D, you have to tackle this problem. Explain to her why you feel you have a chance to marry the girl you love so much and request her to take your proposal. At the same time, you need to get in touch with D, and tell her that you want to marry her. Tell her you wanted to give her some time, but couldn’t as your mother wants you to get married. It’s time you disclose to her your feelings and ask her to consider your proposal. D may still be hurting, but she is an educated working woman, and I am sure she has no plans to mop over her ex-fiance. Even if she refuses your proposal, you will at least have tried to marry the girl you love. This is your chance to win the hand of the girl you have been in love with; don’t squander it. Best of luck!

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Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

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