Letters

Dear Professor Nadine,

I am a 26-year-old girl. I did MBA from a prestigious university and got a good job right after my graduation. Last year, I became involved with a guy at workplace. We were together for about five months when he told me that he could not marry me. His parents had already pledged him to a cousin and he could not go against their wishes. I accused him of stringing me along and could not let go of him. I kept calling him till he literally shouted at me to leave him alone. That hurt me badly because I had become too attached to him. Seeing him every single day at workplace became very painful, so one day I just resigned, without thinking about my decision. I didn’t even ask anyone for advice before I resigned. The reaction of my bosses and colleagues made me realise that I had somehow hurt their feelings. I called my boss and told her that my purpose was not to offend her, and I had resigned because of personal reasons. She said first I should have found another job and then resigned. She told me I had made a big mistake because I was only a couple of months away from promotion. So I asked her if she wanted me back and she said she did. She told me to wait for a couple of weeks so she could speak to the MD. It’s been three months and I have tried contacting her time and again, but she cancels my calls and does not read my messages on WhatsApp. I have applied for job in various places, but I feel really scared. What if I don’t get another job? I am really confused, stressed and worried. I have two problems: I am unable to forget my boyfriend and can’t find a job. What should I do?

Uncertain and Upset

Dear Uncertain and Upset,

You have had a bad experience and no wonder you are upset right now. However, the good thing about this entire episode was that the guy did not keep you in the dark about his circumstances. As soon as he found out he could not marry you, he let you know. You took it very hard, which is understandable, but you need to realise that this guy did a decent thing, and you also should move on. Resigning without thinking it through was not the right thing to do, but since your resignation has been accepted, you can’t keep fretting about your old job. I don’t understand why you ex-boss is avoiding your calls. She just has to tell you that she tried but it didn’t work out. Anyway, that place is not the end of the world and you will find another job. Sometimes, these things take time, and as your ex-boss pointed out, getting a job when you are already working is easier, but don’t worry; you will get another job if you keep trying. You are still very young, so I am sure you will get a good proposal, and eventually you will forget that guy. Just don’t give up and keep trying. Things have a way of working out for those who persevere. Best of luck!

Dear Professor,

I am a 25-year-old girl. My father died when I was only eight years old, and according to the traditions of my family my mother was married to my father’s younger brother, who was already married and had two sons. My uncle is not a good person and he treated my mother badly. He had a daughter with my mother, but even that did not make him soft towards her. Now he wants me to marry his son who is mentally ill. He tried getting him married to daughters of some affluent people of our area, but everyone knows about my cousin so no one accepted his proposal. When my mother refused, he beat her badly and threatened to kill her. My mother doesn’t want me to marry his son but she is scared of my uncle. She spoke to my maternal uncle about the issue and my uncle immediately offered to send his son’s proposal. The problem is that my mother thinks if my uncle finds out about this plan, he would divorce her. Professor, I don’t want to marry my cousin but I am scared for my mother. What should we do?

Scared Daisy

Dear Scared Daisy,

You should ask your mother to be mentally prepared for your uncle to divorce her. However, your uncle is a mean person and he might do something bad to your mother if she tells him her plan to marry you to your maternal uncle’s son. You both should go to your uncle and get married quietly. If your uncle divorces your mother, well and good as she would be rid of a bad husband. But even if your uncle doesn’t divorce her, she should ask for khula because a person as vindictive as your uncle may even kill her. You will have to be brave about doing all this, but ask your maternal uncle to help you plan things. Once you are married, you will be in a position to look after your mother, too. Best of luck!