Letters

Dear Professor,

I am a 25-year-old girl working girl. I have two brothers who are married and a younger sister. After completing my MBA, I got a good job where I met D, and very soon we fell in love with each other. D has a good post and is a year older than me, but his salary is not really good. Things were fine till D’s brother saw us at a restaurant. Since that day, he started acting weird. When I confronted him, he told me that his parents had told him categorically that he cannot marry me because they want him to marry the daughter of his paternal aunt. D said he tried to protest, but his father hit him and told him to either leave me or leave his home. D is not independent financially, and on his salary he cannot rent even a room. So, he stayed at home only, but has still not broken up with me. However, he has stopped meeting me at places where his relatives might see us. He has told me that his sisters and grandparents are also very angry and are not willing to accept me at any cost. I am very upset because I don’t know what he has in his heart for me. I have asked him to tell me what he wants to do, but so far he hasn’t given me a clear answer. I love him a lot and care about him, but I have seriously begun to doubt his intentions. His family has a strong hold over him and I don’t think he can withstand their pressure. The problem is that he is so double-minded that he doesn’t know whether he will marry me or not. He is my first love, Nadine! What should I do?

Depressed Y

Dear Depressed Y,

It is obvious that D is under a lot of pressure right now, and won’t go against his family. A 26-year-old man who is beaten by his father does not seem to be a very good prospect and you really should think about it very carefully. The reaction of his other family members is also very discouraging. Even if he somehow manages to convince his family, you will never be respected by his family members, and he will be under such immense pressure that he would never support you against them, so it would be better for you to forget him.

It is not easy to get over one’s first love and you will have many sleepless nights, but you will have to use your willpower to help you put this affair behind. You have to realise that one cannot always have what one wants. In a way, it’s a blessing in disguise that you got to see what stuff D is made up of! In time, you will come across someone whose family will also love and respect you. Till then, concentrate on furthering your career and try to stay happy. Best of luck!

Problems that need a solution?

You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan

at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News,

Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.