close
You

Letters

By You Desk
Tue, 01, 18

I’m 23 and just got married 8 months ago. My husband, A, and I met at my university through my best friend....

Dear Nadine,

I’m 23 and just got married 8 months ago. My husband, A, and I met at my university through my best friend and his sister, D. I was previously engaged to my cousin,S, but he broke off the engagement after he fell for someone else. I wasn’t in love with him but breaking off an engagement is considered bad in our community. S’s parents bad-mouthed about me, even though my relatives knew the reason, yet I had to bear taunts from some of my cousins. I was 19 at the time and wasn’t getting proposals because of it. D knew the whole story and still wanted me to marry her brother. My parents were so happy that they immediately accepted A’s proposal.

The first month of my marriage was perfect! After that, my mother-in-law asked me to help with household work which I gladly did, but she was never satisfied with it. She makes strange comments, gets jealous when I’m talking to A. D and A have been very supportive of me but they won’t say anything while I’m being scolded. A says I must be patient; but Nadine, I am now getting sick of it! A goes to work and D is busy with her shopping as she is getting married next month. I am the one who has to bear everything. I feel depressed and even my parents think I should bear with it. Why should I when I have not done anything wrong? How can I make my mother-in-law back off? Please advice.

Frustrated Pansy

Dear Frustrated Pansy,

Your frustration with this situation is understandable, as your mother-in-law has been behaving very unreasonably. Unfortunately, she is now jealous of you because she is forced to share her son. A, her only son, has taken the path of least resistance by asking you to be patient. His intervention could, of course, cause more trouble, because you will be held responsible for turning the son against his mother. Having said that, A must speak to his mother about the situation or this would continue forever. He needs to make his mother realise that you are important to him, but that hasn’t changed her place. D must also explain to her mother that she is wrong.

In the meantime, try to be patient, and avoid a verbal spat with your mother-in-law. My dear, you are right when you say you haven’t done anything wrong and should not have to endure your her comments. But, she is old and you are young and more flexible. If you can, just ignore what she says and refuse to get into an argument with her, it will preserve the tranquillity of your house. In time, she will realise you are not a threat, hopefully, and accept you with her heart. Best of luck!

Problems that need a solution?

You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Note: If you feel you need someone to talk to when you are alone, to hare a problem with, or just to get something that has upset or disturbed you off your chest, share it with us. Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.