Letters

Dear Professor,

 I am a 23-year-old boy. I graduated recently and started working in a private organisation. My pay and prospects are good and I can support my wife. The thing is that the girl I want to marry is the wife of a neighbour. She is about five years older than me and has a son. She is not happy with her husband because he is a dull, old and unimaginative person. He does not care about her and she has to stay all alone at home. Even when he comes back from bank, he does not take her out anywhere. I got to know her because once or twice, when her husband was at work she came to visit our house. She liked me and asked for my cell number and we started talking. She told me all about her dry married life. She stays at home, cooks and washes dishes. Her husband takes her out just once a week although he is off on Saturdays. The thing is that my parents are against me marrying her. They don’t realise her plight and think she is leading me astray. Also, she is pressurising me to get married as soon as possible. It is quite difficult for me to convince my parents; they don’t understand my feelings. With my help, she wants to take divorce from her husband. Moreover, her mother is also in my contact. She is supportive of our marriage, but wants security for her daughter. I think that is fair, because she will marry me after leaving her husband. Her mother is a very wise woman and often advises me on what to buy for her, and I get along with her really well. I want to marry her but not without the approval of my family. She says that I should marry her first and tell my family later. I need your guidance in this regard.

Love-struck Pisces

Dear Love-struck Pisces,

You started your letter by telling me that you are a ‘23-year-old boy’. This means there is no hurry; you can wait for a few years till you become a man and get married when the time is right. This woman is 28, i.e. she is five years your senior. She has a husband and a child, yet she is betraying her husband’s trust. It shows she is not a loyal person. When a woman has a house, she has to run it, too. So if she cooks and cleans, what is the big deal? Her husband works hard and brings home income for his family. This is how it works in average families. Husband earns and wife runs the house and looks after kids. Banks require long hours from their employees, and this poor guy probably returns late and is too tired to take his wife out during week days. She should understand her husband’s circumstances and appreciate the fact that he is working hard for her and their child. How many people belonging from lower middle to upper middle class go out more than once a week? So, it’s perfectly fine if her husband takes her out once a week. He also needs to rest and recover for a hectic week ahead. Besides, can you, on your good pay scale, afford to take a girl out for dinner every day?

My dear, your parents are right, and you should heed their advice. This woman is probably not even serious with you and is just playing you along. In addition, her mother is also a part of her scheme to milk you for gifts. What type of security can a 23-year-old ‘boy’ offer her? Do they want you to ask your parents for your share of property to provide this ‘security’?

It’s strange that this ‘wise mother’ of hers is not asking her to be faithful to her marriage and look after her son. What sort of a mother fails to advise her daughter to save her home and pay attention to her husband and child? Think about that.

You are too young to get married. First establish yourself and specialise in your field if possible for better prospects. In four to five years, you will know better what you really want. Till then, good luck!