I am an educated woman of 58 years. Throughout my life, I had to work, first because my parents, who had six children to bring up, did not have a lot of money and then because I wanted my own children to get a good education.
Dear Nadine Khan,
I am an educated woman of 58 years. Throughout my life, I had to work, first because my parents, who had six children to bring up, did not have a lot of money and then because I wanted my own children to get a good education. I have a daughter who got married last year, and two sons. One of them is well-settled financially and the younger is still a student. My elder son wants to marry a co-worker, to which I have no objection. What has hurt me is the fact that my son clearly told me that he would not live with us after his marriage. In fact, he has already started with apartment hunting. What irks me more is that instead of trying to persuade him to continue living with us, my husband is actually helping him find a suitable accommodation. My daughter is also of the view that if they want their own place, I should not create a hurdle. Nadine, I have worked very hard to bring up my kids. I didn’t have a clue that his to-be wife would just snatch him away. He has lived with me all my life, how will I live without him? How can I convince my son to stay with me?
Upset Mother
Dear Upset Mother,
Please try to relax and think practically. As a mother, you want your children with you, but this is not always possible. If your daughter-in-law doesn’t want to live with you, you should not force her to do so because it will spoil your relationship with her. And, our religion also gives this right to a wife to have her own place. Even if you can somehow persuade your son to not move after his wedding, it will not work out well. She wants her own house and to live independently, and won’t like you for foiling her attempt. The resultant tension may create a rift between you and your son, too, so follow your husband’s example and give in with good grace. My dear, your daughter also lived with you all her life, yet she got married and went away. You got used to it, and you will get used to your son moving out too. In a way, it is better as living apart means you will not have to deal with petty squabbles that spring up between a mother and daughter-in-law. The important thing is to continue having a cordial relationship with your son and his wife whether they live with you or not, and hopefully they will appreciate the fact that both you and your husband did what they wanted for the sake of their happiness. Best of luck!
